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How do they fit?

Women's Disco Pants are skinny fit.

How are they sized?

They run true to size. If you’re between sizes, opt for a size down.

What if I don't see my inseam size?

We’re a small business, so we offer only a couple of lengths right now. Fortunately, any tailor can hem our pants to a great fit.

How do I care for them?

Like the finest disco balls, these pants should be treated with utmost care. Hand-wash and line dry only.

Women's Shiny Silver Disco Pants

Scientifically Validated Party Pants

We certify that every pair of Women's Disco Pants is made from 100% pure disconium — the rarest, shiniest substance in the known universe.

Don't be fooled by synthetic knockoffs made from cubic disconium. And stay clear of clothiers who insist that Disconite™ Pants are equally lustrous. Sure, they sparkle, but they also smell like rotten octopus.

Why are Disco Pants so special? Because genuine disconium ore is found in only one place on Earth: an icy subterranean cavern deep beneath the most remote corner of Antarctica. While we can't divulge details of our mining operation, rest assured that the thousands of Emperor Penguins in our employ are well-fed and receive regular bathroom and cigarette breaks. Here's some more important information:

  • Disconium is the 120th element on the periodic table. It's heavier than neon, funkier than palladium, and significantly sexier than Einsteinium.
  • When you wear Disco Pants, stone-age tribesmen may worship you as their omnipotent sun-goddess. Don't disappoint them.
  • The magnetic properties of these trousers increase exponentially in Las Vegas, creating an irresistible attraction between you and nearby lips, liquor, and licentious behavior.
  • Women's Disco Pants are available for a limited time — and only at

Better Than

Fresh Camel Milk

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