Brown Alert!

In response to recent reports of trouser-less hordes rampaging through America’s public transit systems, the President has raised the national pant-threat level to an unprecedented BROWN! Thank goodness this spate of bottomless bedlam coincides with the release of a special batch of Cordarounds brown britches!

What better way to show your support for the rule of law than by wearing a pair of these trousers, lovingly crafted by the Internet’s all-American haberdashery — in coordination with the Department of Homeland Security.

On the outside, they’re a rich, full-bodied brown — much like that of a well-groomed Kodiak bear. Inside, you’ll find a lovely, Orient-themed liner. (Remember those dreamy weeks you spent tethered to an opium pipe in a darkened corner of Baron Chou’s basement brothel? Now you surely will.)

Like all Cordarounds, these brown beauties feature corduroy that goes side-to-side instead of up-and-down, creating an incredible aerodynamic advantage over common corduroy pants. Plus, unlike vertical corduroy, they won’t cause a friction fire in your nethers.

Not only do our brown Cordarounds look great, we think they’ll be some of the most sublimely small-talkable trousers you’ll ever buy.