Betabrand Discovers World’s 2nd Softest Substance

Once upon a time, the world of tactile technology was satisfied with “soft as a baby’s bottom” as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something “softer than” the aforementioned infant’s posterior was suggesting a theoretical state of softness beyond the understanding of mortal man.

Then Betabrand researchers invented the Tactile Soft-O-Meter®, a device that can detect and compare the density of softrons, the subatomic units of softness. Using this newfound knowledge, they were able to create garments so ineffably comfy, test subjects had to be removed from them with the Jaws of Life!

But to the chagrin of our marketing department, the Soft-O-Meter indicated that the fabric they were using measured “Vagisoft” within a standard deviation of one softron.

Vagisoft? Well, far be it from us to question science. If the Soft-O-Meter says it, so be it!

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