Rising more than 1,200 feet above northeast Wyoming is a brooding slab of igneous rock known as Devils Tower. You may remember it from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Or perhaps you paid it a visit while on a family vacation. Were you unnerved by its eerie vertical lines? Some say these are the work of aliens or, as Kiowa legend has it, the scratch marks of children who tried climbing it to escape a murderous bear.
At Betabrand, we don’t believe in myths, folktales, or peyote-addled conjecture; we’re businessmen and pant scientists — empiricists through and through. So when we took a hard look at Devils Tower, we didn’t see the handiwork of frightened children or little green men. We saw a fantastic marketing opportunity. And that’s why we’ve entered into business with the Devil.
Betabrand, the world’s foremost purveyor of horizontal corduroy pants, is always looking to make a splash by subverting that which is vertical. This includes our genetically modified zebra breeding program and our recent “Say No to Longitude” PSA campaign. Now, with the help of the world’s foremost practitioner of the dark arts, we’ve reoriented the once-vertical striations of Devils Tower — the perfect way to honor our devilishly red Cordarounds.
Of course, “horizontalizing” Devils Tower required the skill and cooperation of the Tower’s legal owner. And that owner is, according to the National Forest Service and the Crook County assessor’s office, the Devil, with whom we are pleased to announce this exclusive, limited-time marketing agreement.
In lieu of our eternal allegiance, Satan, through his lawyers, has requested only that we make a modest donation for trail and restroom maintenance at Devils Tower. He also wants several pairs of red trousers — no surprise, as these Cordarounds go perfectly with the fire-and-brimstone motif of his demonic lair. All in all, we think that’s a hell of a good deal.