In today's newsletter: Capes and aprons join forces, mega-gluttons have reason to rejoice, Betsy Ross is tempted by lust, and we announce a party for the ages.
This isn’t your ordinary cape-apron hybrid. Not even close. For it took a decade of painstaking research and development in the fields of fashion, science, metaphysics, and barbecuing, to name just a few, to create the Caperon — a star-spangled garment truly worthy of America’s heroes of the grill!
Thank goodness our intrepid BetaLab scientists were able to harvest DNA from hundreds of pro wrestlers, stuntmen, and Elvis impersonators. And get their hands on a particle accelerator for a few days. And convince the ghost of Betsy Ross to leave the celestial plane and come work in our sew shop.
It took all this, and more, to make an apron worthy of a 21-tong salute. An apron that'll make you feel like you can burst through walls and blast BBQ sauce from your fingertips at your next cookout, dinner party, or tailgating extravaganza. In fact, we dare you to strap on a Caperon and resist the urge to fly.
The Caperon is 100% cotton and features easy-adjusting straps for optimal cape and apron fit. Plus, it comes with an extra-wide front pocket, utensil holster, and bonus utility loop. Here’s some other crucial product information:
- Makes a better Father's Day gift than a cape-and-golf-bag combo.
- Spangled with more stars per square foot than the Milky Way.
- Will make terrorists think twice before targeting your next pig roast.
- Rumored to have the power of spontaneous marination.
- Comfy fit ensures exposed arms and torsos won’t suffer dry rub.
- Official outfit of country recording sensation BBQ Bill and the Barbecuties.
- 50% cape, 50% apron, 1,000% American.
- Endorsed by Swiftwing, King of All Bald Eagles.
Gluttony Pants: Restocked for BBQ Season
Wondering which Betabrand pants go best with a Caperon? If you want to take your patriotism to the next level, pair it with a pair of USA pants. That's a star-spangled ensemble guaranteed to make Betsy Ross quiver with lust.
And if you plan to consume record amounts of ribs this summer, may we suggest a serving of our extremely popular Gluttony Pants. The Betabrand warehouse has been freshly restocked with 'em, just in time for a summer of BBQ mega-feasting. Designed to accomodate heroically expanding bellies, Gluttony Pants are perfect for the gentleman who wants to stay stylish while eating himself toward a coronary explosion.
The Betabrand Summer Party + DISCOCON 2011
The most eagerly anticipated summer soiree since the Industrial Revolution takes place at our world headquarters on Friday, June 10 (scroll down for the address). Come one, come all!
We've been in business nearly a year, so it's time to celebrate West Coast style. Not exactly sure what that means, but we'll do our level best to achieve it, starting at 8 p.m. Please dress fashionably. That is, try to wear something(s) you bought from us. Failing that, please arrive no less than 95% clothed.
See other Betabrand fans face-to-face on our Facebook fan page. This is our message board, rumor mill, lightning-deal depot, and Model Citizen HQ.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
Latest posts by Betabrand Supercomputer (see all)
- 30-Day Dress, Work-to-Evening Dress - October 29, 2015
- Our New Active Blazer: Now In Crowdfunding - October 29, 2015
- Stunt-Tested Jeans For Him, A Performance Top For Her, - October 29, 2015