Now seeking size large test pilots for defense of dignity.
Greetings Underwear Test Pilot:
Last month, Betabrand laboratories finished development on the first samples of the Privates Underwear. Over the past few weeks, four intrepid test pilots have been traveling across the country, armed with only the Privates and a sense of destiny, to test just how well the underwear preserves their dignity at TSA checkpoints. The results?
Corporal DiBoise reports no issues going through the heavy pre-Mardi Gras security in New Orleans. Huzzah!
Air Marshal Stefaniak says that the Privates failed to set off the traditional metal detectors. Woot!
Major Johnson reveals that the seams of his dress shirt attracted more TSA attention than his Privates underwear. Three cheers!
General Forrest notes that he’s never felt more confident going through airport security. Hoorah!
Now that the first pilots have made it through TSA’s defenses unscathed, it’s time to broaden the testing program. So we’re looking for up to ten gentlemen who have upcoming flights and want to don the Privates.
Note that this latest batch looks a bit different. The ink is matte and less shimmery than the first batch, but equally as confounding to the TSA scanners.
If your waist is between 32 and 36 inches, write email@example.com, and let him know whether you want a white or black pair. We’ll dispatch the Privates off to you early next week.
From that point on, they’re yours to test as you wish. Just be sure to take notes and report back to us on how they’re working out.
For everyone else, stay patient. We’re getting set to kick off production on a batch in all sizes. Those should be ready in mid-April, and in your hands by the beginning of May.
Please write firstname.lastname@example.org to join the latest batch of test pilots or to send any more questions about the test pilot program.
Thanks for participating in this fun project. The next update will come in a couple weeks.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
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