8/12 Newsletter: New Dress Pant Sweatpants (And A Stinging Rebuke)

Today: 4 fantastic new trousers and the man who loathes them. Plus, new bag designs, a dream engineering job & the chance to win anything on our site.

Today, we’re pleased to introduce Birdseye Dress Pant Sweatpants and Lightweight Dress Pant Sweatpants, the latter available in gray, brown, and navy.

Like all Dress Pant Sweatpants, these four newcomers are, quite simply, some of the comfiest trousers you’ll ever wear to work — or anywhere else, really.

But not everyone thinks Dress Pant Sweatpants are such a good idea. Witness the withering salvo launched by Mr. Ralph Orvlin, a name of considerable renown in the business world. His letter to Betabrand can be found below, right after more images of our handsome new pants.

Birdseye Dress Pant Sweatpants

Brown Lightweight Dress Pant Sweatpants

Navy Lightweight Dress Pant Sweatpants

Gray Lightweight Dress Pant Sweatpants

And Now, A Dissenting Opinion
(‘To Succeed, You Must Suffer’)

Dress Pant Sweatpants

Ralph Orvlin, president and CEO of Amalgamated Confectionery Inc.

If there’s one, immutable lesson I’ve gleaned from my 57 years as a businessman, it’s that success does not come easily, nor comfortably. Quite the opposite, in fact: Success — real success — arises from suffering.

A man cannot rise to the apex of achievement unless his mettle is tested, over and over and over; I myself was brutally perforated by no fewer than five industrial drills before taking my first junior-management position!

One must likewise “dress for success,” as they say. This means wearing:

ITCHY woolen trousers that cause pustulating red welts, like a harvest of horrifying fruit!

TIGHT-FITTING trousers that unleash such torrents of perspiration, you may wonder if you’ve wet yourself in the manner of an apathetic toddler!
UNFORGIVING trousers that clench genitals with such vigor, even freshly castrated steers will regard you with pity!

The wardrobe of a successful businessman is woven with woe! On the other hand, to wear a pair of your so-called “Dress Pant Sweatpants” is to invite a life of penniless, gutter-bathing hobo-ism!

Yours in utter contempt,

Mr. Orvlin hates these pants

New Dress Pant Sweatpants

New In The Think Tank

Which brand-new bag design deserves to be prototyped? That, dear reader, is up to you. Learn more about each, then vote for your favorite — or favorites.


Storrist Pack

Storrist Pack

The ultimate bag for the cycling photographer, city commuter, and weekend warrior. Designed by Sandy Carson, who is all three of these things.


Kevlar Bike Bag

Kevlar Bike Bag

John Wilkerson is strangely mum about his personal life, which may partially explain why he wants to create a bag made from military-grade Kevlar.


Aperture Bag

Aperture Bag

A slim laptop bag that expands to hold fancy cameras, cans of Fancy Feast, and other necessities of daily life. Designed by Darin Ohashi.

Caption Contest: Win Your Choice Of Anything!

We’re hoping you can tell us what’s going on in this Model Citizen photo. Post your highly amusing caption on our Facebook Fan Page and you may win your choice of any single product on our site!

Model-Citizen Caption Contest

We’re Hiring An Engineer

A Full-Stack Engineer, to be precise. Will each prospective applicant be asked to rapidly consume a full stack of flapjacks? Possibly, but we’re more interested in self-starters who can demonstrate superb back-end chops. Click here to learn more.

Job Posting: Full-Stack Engineer

Copyright © 2014 Betabrand, All rights reserved.


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Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.

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