7/31 Newsletter: New Karate Casuals, Black-Sheep Sweaters, Pirate Socks & More

A Gathering Of Dark Forces?

Black Seersucker Karate Casuals, the Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater, and Pirate Socks. Also: in-store deals, a hip Wholester, shoe voting, and the Slothman.

What do a cobra, a black sheep, and a bloodthirsty pirate have in common? Answer: hardly anything at all, actually.

Nevertheless, these three have temporarily joined forces to promote our newest pants, sweaters, and socks; read on to learn more about this most unnatural alliance of man and beast!

Black Seersucker Karate Casuals:
Pants For The Martial Art Of Inactivity

There is but one trouser ridiculously comfortable enough for denizens of the Dozing Cobra Dojo: our famous Karate Casuals!

These are pants designed specifically for nonjitsu, the martial art of inactivity. And today, we announce the triumphant return of Black Seersucker Karate Casuals, quite possibly our most popular KCs ever.

Black Seersucker Karate Casuals

Black Seersucker Karate Casuals

Rest assured you won’t find any bothersome buttons, zippers, or other contrivances to complicate your pant-wearing experience. Just cinch these Karate Casuals with their built-in drawstring belt and you’re ready for nonjitsu!

That means mastering all 11 levels (aka “Sacred Stripes”) of nonjitsu, each less physically strenuous than the last. Are you prepared to accept this noble challenge?

The 11 Sacred Stripes of Nonjitsu

We made just a limited batch of Black Seersucker Karate Casuals — order yours while you can!

Black Seersucker Karate Casuals

The Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater

Every family has its black sheep. But does every black sheep have her very own sweater, something to keep her warm and snug in lieu of a loving embrace?

Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater

Now, she does! Tony Wloch’s new Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater is made of raw, untreated wool that’s naturally black (more grayish-brown, actually), because it comes from actual black sheep — specifically, a flock of ovine outcasts living on a couple of small ranches near Yellowstone National Park.

Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater

Just like their cloven-hoofed namesakes, you can rest assured that our all-natural Black-Sheep Wrap Sweaters will never see the inside of a chemical vat or smoke-belching mega-factory!

Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater

Help transform the Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater from prototype to actual product today and save up to 30%. (If successfully crowdfunded, they’ll be made in Northern California.)

Black-Sheep Wrap Sweater

Pirate Socks From 826 Valencia

Speaking of black … had the mighty pirate Blackbeard not been decapitated nearly 300 hundred years ago, he most certainly would have traded his grog-streaked stockings for this new trio of buccaneer-themed socks, courtesy of the young swashbucklers down the street at 826 Valencia. (This is the site of San Francisco’s premier pirate-supply store — and also a great nonprofit organization dedicated to helping kids become better writers.)

If the Pirate Sock 3-Pack becomes a full-fledged product, 10% of the proceeds will benefit 826 Valencia. So please help crowdfund them now; otherwise, we’ll have to assume that you greatly dislike both children and pirates, in that order.

Yes, We Also Have A Non-Internet Store

Just a reminder that we have a real brick-and-mortar store, along with real flesh-and-blood employees; or maybe it’s the other way around. In any case, please swing by 780 Valencia St. and utter this phrase loudly: “I’m part of the conspiracy!” As a little reward for embarrassing yourself in public, we’ll knock 10% off your total purchase that day.

Recent store arrivals include: the aforementioned Black Seersucker Karate Casuals, Gold & Silver Disco Sport Shorts, the Gold Disco Tank Top, Black Dress Pant Yoga Pant Leggings, Disco Leggings, Purple Disco Track Shorts, and the Partridge Perfect Dress.

10% discount at our 780 Valencia St. store

Think Tank Idea #1: A New Hip Design

Introducing the Wholester, a tri-pocket belt pack from Cat DuBois that’s designed for comfort and convenience, whether you’re out and about in the city, or attending Cat’s favorite festival in the Nevada desert. (No, not The Great Winnemucca Whangdoodle — the other one.)

Should we crowdfund the Wholester? If enough folks vote for it, we will! And be sure to check out the other 100+ design ideas currently percolating in the Think Tank, including a commuter jacket for the germ-averse and leggings you can see from space.

The Wholester

Think Tank Idea #2: Shoes!!!

Forgive our excessive use of exclamation points, but we’re really excited to make our very first shoes — in collaboration with the folks at THE UT.LAB. We’re down to four finalists; vote for your favorites now!

Shoe-Design Finalists

Model Citizen Spotlight: Slothman Jack

With today’s focus on Karate Casuals, it seemed only natural to also mention the sloth, which is, after all, basically an anthropomorphized nap.

The human to whom this particular sloth is so lovingly fastened is Model Citizen Jack C., who encountered the little hirsute layabout on a trip to Panama. Read more about his adventure here, and learn how he used his trusty Cornucopia Bag and Geisha Cordarounds Cap to survive a zombie sloth apocalypse!*

Model Citizen Spotlight: Slothman Jack

*Strictly speaking, this was not part of Jack’s story.

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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.

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