5/28 Newsletter: New Linen Karate Casuals

Drunken-Sloth-Style Karate Casuals

It’s not often we receive a missive from the Indomitable Dragon Counsel, supreme judicial body for all the world’s martial arts. So you can imagine our surprise when a mighty Himalayan owl swooped down from the heavens and deposited a parchment scroll upon our doorstep, a scroll emblazoned with florid characters penned in a telltale ink of gold dust and Yeti blood!

The gist of the message: With summer rapidly approaching, the Counsel had commanded us to create lightweight linen versions of our Karate Casual drawstring pants. (Karate Casuals, you may recall, are the official pants of nonjitsu, the martial art of inactivity. More on that in a moment.)

We complied immediately, of course.

Dragonfist Karate Casuals

We can only hope the Counsel is sufficiently pleased with our new Dragonfist* and Drunken-Sloth-Style Karate Casuals, incomparably comfy drawstring trousers that are wearable year-round, even during the stickiest, sweatiest summers (despite the fact that nonjitsu is traditionally practiced in air-conditioned environs.)

Rest assured you won’t find any bothersome buttons, zippers, or other contrivances to complicate your pant-wearing experience. Just cinch your Karate Casuals with a built-in drawstring belt and you’re ready for nonjitsu!

Dragonfist Karate Casuals

Legend has it that nonjitsu devotees possess deadly accuracy with remote controls, can contort their bodies to nap in any position, and adhere to a strict diet of delivery food and microwavable snacks. But, ultimately, how one chooses to practice nonjitsu is a deeply personal decision; just make sure it involves Karate Casuals and, ideally, a stupefying quantity of beer.**

Drunken-Sloth-Style Karate Casuals

And remember, only genuine Karate Casuals bear the symbol of the Dozing Cobra Dojo as well as the 11 Sacred Stripes (below), representing the 11 progressively less-strenuous levels of nonjitsu mastery.***

We made just a limited batch of Dragonfist and Drunken-Sloth-Style Karate Casuals, so get yours while you can.

Drunken-Sloth-Style Karate Casuals

*Named for the tallest, most invisible mountain in Antarctica, upon which the fortress of the Indomitable Dragon Counsel lies.
**In response to a frequently asked nonjitsu question: To perfect the Exploding-Heart Technique, start by eating an entire batter-dipped block of Velveeta twice a day.

***While we cannot get into specifics, know that the first three levels primarily involve pork and doughnuts.

Krisis In Kennebunkport:
An Unfortunate Nor’Easter Update

Last month, a Betabrand photographer and several models vanished while on a Nor’Easter Jacket photo shoot in Maine. While their collective fate remains unknown, recently discovered photos, including the one below, suggest an outcome replete with screams of terror and masticated intestines. See all the photos here.

(APOLOGIES FOR THIS CRASS OPPORTUNISM: Remember that you can still save 20% by helping our handsome, foul-weather jacket reach its crowdfunding goal.)

Nor'Easter Jacket Update

Recent Releases & Crowdfundable Creations

Here’s just a wee sampling of the other new stuff you’ll find on our site:

 

Dress Pant Yoga Pants Leggings

DPYP Leggings


Our wildly popular Dress Pant Yoga Pants have now assumed legging form. Of course, they’re still available in straight-leg and boot-flare.

 

Disco Leggings

BTW Knickers & Shorts


Should you prefer something without eyeball-incinerating reflectivity, we’ve also got more than two dozen other shorts, including Cordarounds Shorts and the World’s Comfiest Gym Shorts.

 

Burrito Bag

Burrito Bag


Instead of a tortilla, we used a polyurethane-coated twill lined with Cordura nylon. Not as delicious, but far more durable and weather-resistant. In navy (pictured) and charcoal.

 

Black-Ops Huntsman Hoodie

Black-Ops Huntsman Hoodie


This exquisite moleskin jacket includes the following absolutely unbelievable features: [REDACTED]. SAVE 10% NOW!

 

Work-It Blazer

Work-It Blazer


A casual coat made from the same soft, stretchy fabric as our¬†Dress Pant Yoga Pants. It’s comfy, practically wrinkle-free, and features a detachable hood.

 

Men's Disco Jumpsuit

Disco Jumpsuit


Want to get cryogenically frozen? Save yourself the embarrassment of being revived in the year 2850 without anything hip to wear. SAVE 10% NOW!

Help Design Our Next Dress Pant Sweatpants

Should we make them out of zinc? Should they include a third leg? Go to the Think Tank and vote now!

Dress Pant Sweatpants Survey

Photos, Videos, Other Internet Curiosities

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