4/10 Newsletter: New Vagisoft Hoodie & Vajamas!

Today’s newsletter includes: exciting research in the science of softness, new activewear/officewear, and songs from Iceland.

New Gray Vagisoft Hoodie

We’ve long touted the fact that Vagisoft garments are made from the second-softest substance in the known universe; our newest Vagisoft Hoodie and Vajamas are no exception.

Our researchers refuse to rest on their laurels, however. At this very moment, they’re attempting to create a fabric even softer than Vagisoft — at any cost! Scroll down for a summary of their efforts, some of which are perhaps a tad ethically dubious.

New Gray Vajamas

How are we trying to out-soft Vagisoft?

    • Cross-breeding mink with Marshmallow Peeps.
    • Making Snuggle Bear even more snuggable through a strict diet of red velvet cake and Miracle Whip.
    • Subjecting cashmere goats to Kenny G’s greatest hits on continuous loop.
  • Blanching the Pillsbury Dough Boy in a hot tub filled with fabric softener.

Is this a quixotic waste of our precious R&D budget? Will it invite protest from the likes of PETA and Amnesty International? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, we hope you can content yourself with the (currently) incomparable comfort of our new unisex Vagisoft Hoodie and Vajamas. They’re available for a limited time — get yours while you can!

New Gray Vajamas

We’ll end with a short music video from Model Citizen Clare Eilund, who recently traveled to Iceland with little more than her Vagisoft Hoodie and trusty ukulele. (Legend holds that this little ditty of hers soothed mighty Eyjafjallajökull!)

Model Citizen Clare Eilund sings and plays her ukulele in Iceland.

Crowdfund New Activewear/Officewear:
Work-It Skirt & Chakra Shell Top

The true meaning of “workin’ it” has vexed philosophers for centuries. How, exactly, does one work it? Where can one work it? And is there a possibility of overtime?

Thank goodness Tony Wloch’s new Work-It Skirt was designed to work in most any situation. It’s made from the same performance knit as our Dress Pant Yoga Pants, which means it’s super comfy and practically wrinkle-free.

Work-It Skirt

Tony also designed the stylish, versatile Chakra Shell Top, a shirt for work as well as working out. The wrinkle-free Chakra is made from breathable, moisture-wicking performance fabric for maximum comfort. It also features a drop-tail hem in back for proper coverage.

Chakra Shell Top

Whether the Work-It Skirt and the Chakra Shell Top turn into regular Betabrand products is up to you. Help crowdfund them now and save up to 25%.

Work-It Skirt and Chakra Shell Top

More Crowdfunding Projects

If these prototypes reach their funding goals, we’ll make more. If they don’t, we’ll make them into a very unpleasant casserole.


Corporate Ladder Climbing Pants

Corporate Ladder Climbers

Whether you’re climbing the metaphorical ladder to business success or just trying to escape a non-metaphorical bear, Seth Gourson’s Corporate Ladder Climbing Pants are ideal when upward mobility is the goal.


Elope Dress

Elope Dress

A gorgeous, travel-friendly dress designed for unconventional nuptials! Also great for a thousand other special occasions that may or may not include DJs, ham-carving stations, and inebriated in-laws.


Corporate Raider Hooded Blazer

Corporate Raider Blazer

Apparel alchemist Jonathon McMahon has magically mixed hoodie and blazer to create the Corporate Raider Hooded Blazer. Ideal for any executive second-guessing the decision to get a mohawk.


Disco Hammock

Disco Hammock

For Silver Slumberers and anyone else who wants to cocoon themselves in shiny disconium, we present a fantastic new hammock from Robert Murdoch and ENO Hammocks.


Disco Board Shorts

Disco Board Shorts

Are elephant seals attracted to shiny objects during rutting season? Designer Matt Wheaton would very much like you to find out on your next beach excursion.

We Need A Head Of Finance

We’re not so good with money. Case in point: our corporate zeppelin (below), which office spendthrifts insisted on equipping with an Olympic-size swimming pool filled with 1870 Lafite Rothschild.

If you know a thing or two about finance, we could really, really use your help; click here to learn more about the job.

New Job Listing: Head Of Finance

SF Fashion Alert!

San Franciscans: Join us at Runway Incubator next Thursday (April 17) for “SPRING: A Fashion Event for Women in Technology.” The evening will feature lively discussion, a fashion show, refreshments, gift bags, and much more. Plus, all profits will be donated to support girls’ education in the developing world. For complete info, click here. We hope to see you!

SPRING: A Fashion Event for Women in Technology

Photos, Videos, Other Internet Curiosities:

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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.