3/19 Newsletter: Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirts For Gentlemanly Shenanigans

 

Five New Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirts!

In today’s newsletter: shirts and shorts for gentlemanly shenanigans, crowdfundable breakthroughs, last call for Billboard Contest entries, and a Dress Pant Yoga Pants powwow.

Whoopie-Pie Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt

Today, we introduce five new Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirts: Floral, Pecos, Shroom, Pin-Up Girl, and Whoopie-Pie. (Bawaiian Hawaiian? Allow us to explain.)

Ever been to the island of Bawaii? Good Lord, we sincerely hope not. After all, this dreadful little chunk of rock in the middle of the Pacific is, quite possibly, the most woebegone nation on Earth. Think post-apocalyptic Lichtenstein, with perpetual mudslides and venomous flying crabs. (Reno seemed a little safer for a photo shoot.)

Floral Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt

For centuries, Bawaiians had at least one point of pride: their legendarily beautiful shirts. But then jealous Hawaiians began copying them, and soon the so-called “Hawaiian Shirt” grew famous around the world, while increasingly desperate Bawaiians were forced to wear Styrofoam coolers that had washed up on the beach.

Betabrand now is working to correct this historical injustice with beautiful new shirts in the classic H̶a̶w̶a̶i̶i̶a̶n̶ Bawaiian style. As you can see, they’re wonderfully well-suited for all manner of unproductive leisure activities.

Pecos Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt

HAWAII VS. BAWAII: A QUICK PRIMER

Main Hawaiian Exports: coffee, macadamia nuts, pineapples.
Main Bawaiian Exports: molten lava, driftwood, fungal infections.

“Hawaii” means “‘place of the gods” or “homeland.”
“Bawaii” means “isle of infinite sorrows” or “place where the bloodthirsty monkeys dwell.”

Hawaii has a bicameral state legislature, consisting of a house of representatives and a senate.
Bawaii has a bivalve legislature, consisting of a large pile of clams.

Fun Fact About Hawaii: It’s actually the southernmost state!
Fun Fact About Bawaii: There are no fun facts about Bawaii, unless you find the constant squealing of crazed feral hogs amusing.

Shroom Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt

Help us rekindle the dim flame of Bawaiian national pride by proudly wearing a genuine Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt! (Note: they’re not 100% genuine; we had to make them in San Francisco, because no one in Bawaii remembers how to sew.)

Pin-Up Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirt

We made just a limited batch of each; order yours today!

Bawaiian Hawaiian Shirts

Bawaiian Shorts

Anthropologically speaking, if might seem odd to offer “Bawaiian” Shorts, since men of the island traditional wear only codpieces fashioned from hornet nests. Nevertheless, we’re now offering Late-Nite Luau and Blackout Bawaiian Shorts, the perfect warm-weather complements to your new Bawaiian Shirt — or any shirt, or no shirt at all.

New Bawaiian Shorts

Recent Crowdfundable Creations

What other interesting things have we been working on lately? Glad you asked.

 

Sugartime Shirt

Sugartime Shirt


Award-winning pastry chef Johnny Iuzzini began with a classic guayabera shirt design, then infused it with rockabilly spirit and delicious custard (optional). Save 20% Now!

 

Disco Bowling Shirt

Disco Bowling Shirt


Ever heard of bowler extraordinaire Donnie Burbles? We didn’t think so. But that shouldn’t stop you from owning the legendarily shiny shirt we made in his honor. Save 20% Now!

 

Bike to Work Shorts

Bike To Work Shorts


Jason Van Horn loves our Bike to Work Pants, but he wanted something more knee-revealing. Hence, his Bike to Work Shorts. Water/soil-repellent fabric, hidden reflectivity, a zippered pocket for valuables, and a gusseted crotch for your other valuables. Save 20% Now!

 

Bike to Work Skirt

Bike To Work Skirt


New from Mickey Roxas. Features water/soil-repellent fabric and hidden reflectivity, plus zippered godets that allow for a wider range of motion and better coverage when riding. Save 10% Now!

 

Bike to Work Blazer

Bike To Work Blazer


Just like the Bike to Work Skirt, except that it’s a blazer. With its rugged construction, water/soil-repellent fabric, and reflectivity when you need it, Christian Prasch’s handsome blazer is made especially for two-wheeled commuters. Save 10% Now!

Billboard Contest

Yes, one lucky Betabrand fan is going to wind up on a billboard — one that does not include the phrase “$10,000 Reward For Information Leading To Arrest.” Vote for your favorite photo, or submit your own.

Billboard Contest

TOMORROW: Come Talk Pants With Us

Stop by Betabrand HQ Thursday evening for a Dress Pant Yoga Pants brand-building workshop! Will include the following:

Festivities begin at 6:00. We hope to see you there!

Dress Pant Yoga Pants Design Forum

Photos, Videos, Other Internet Curiosities:

Betabrand Facebook Fan Page Betabrand on Twitter Betabrand on Instagram Betabrand YouTube Channel Google+ Pinterest

Copyright © 2014 Betabrand, All rights reserved.



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Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.