New Graphic Sweatshirts, Apocalyptic Fashion Advice, Free Shipping Upgrade

Newsletter keywords: sweatshirts, mutations, delicious arms.

 

New Graphic Sweatshirts

The end is nigh — according to Mayan prophecy, at least. With that in mind, we’ll automatically upgrade shipping on all domestic orders placed today (details below). After all, you should get to wear your new Betabrand threads before the Earth opens her giant, lava-frothing maw and swallows humanity whole.

New Graphic Sweatshirts

This trio of limited-edition garments comes courtesy of our very own graphic designer, Benjamin Keyser — better known as Betabrand Web site illustrator extraordinaire, cannon projectile, and human bull bait.

DWELLER
The Dweller Sweatshirt

SCARABIC
The Scarab Sweatshirt


SANTA FE
The Santa Fe Sweatshirt

 

Here’s how Ben describes the inspiration for his new designs: “I’ve always been fascinated and inspired by indigenous design. This project combines that element with my own vision of desert floors and metallic skies — and the plants and animals in between.”

But is that the whole story? Do these images also contain some sort of Mayan code that holds the key to mankind’s survival? We’ll let you decide. All we can tell you is that Ben’s designs are conveniently located on three incredibly soft and comfy sweatshirts. They’re available for a limited time — a very limited time, if the Mayans have their way — and only at Betabrand.com.

 

Apocalyptic Fashion Advice

How, exactly, will the world end on December 21? The Mayans weren’t too clear on that point, but the likely scenarios include: giant asteroid, global volcanic cataclysm, alien death-ray, or the presidents on Mount Rushmore coming to life and rampaging across the planet.

In any case, you’ve probably got a lot to do before Friday, like gathering ammunition, prepping the fallout shelter, and lava-proofing your sun room, for starters. But what about choosing your post-apocalyptic wardrobe? Lucky for you, Betabrand experts have assembled this brief list of items ideally suited to the bleak hellscape that awaits.

TIP #1: REVERSIBLE SMOKING JACKETS
The Black Dragon Reversible Smoking Jacket
Humanity will need to be repopulated, and what better way to attract the opposite sex than by wearing a Reversible Smoking Jacket? With your many disfiguring mutations, you’ll need all the help you can get.


TIP #2: DISCO PANTS
Disco Pants
Religion is the foundation of civilization, so why not get in on the ground floor as a shiny-legged god? Our shimmering Disco Pants are available for men and women.


TIP #3: SONS OF BRITCHES
Sons of Britches
Things are probably going to get plenty weird. Our amateur-stuntman-tested Sons of Britches trousers are made to withstand most any peril not measured in megatons.

TIP #4: CORNUCOPIA BAGS
The Black Cornucopia Bag
You never know what you’ll discover on your next foraging expedition: firewood, scrap metal, maybe even a delicious human arm. Make sure you’re prepared with a Cornucopia Bag, our rugged, multitiered carry-all. Available in& black and olive (full-size) and also blue and orange (short-stack).


TIP #5: BETABRAND GIFT CERTIFICATES
Betabrand Gift Certificates
We suggest stocking up on Betabrand Gift Certificates immediately. They could very well become the new legal tender. At the very least, they’ll remind you of a kinder, gentler, less cannibalistic time in your life.

 

Here’s all you need to know:
  • Want to receive your order by Friday — i.e., before the world ends? Place your order by 3 p.m. Wednesday (PST).
  • Want to receive your order by Monday — i.e., before Christmas, in the unlikely scenario that civilization hasn’t crumbled? Place your order before 9 a.m. Thursday (PST).
  • At checkout, choose “Ground” as your shipping option.
  • The Betabrand Supercomputer will then bump you to UPS Second Day Air at no extra cost.
  • WARNING! If you choose “UPS Second Day Air,” you will have to pay the difference. So don’t do it.

Free shipping upgrade — today only!
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Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
Betabrand Supercomputer
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.