In today’s newsletter: last day to save 20% on any Betabrand product. Plus, a caption contest and threats of almost unspeakable cyber-horror.
Technically, today is the final day of our Mondo Holiday Sale, your chance to save 20% on any in-stock item at Betabrand.com. However, as a thank-you for years of meritorious service, we promised the Betabrand Supercomputer that it could run the show.
Its first order of business? Give the sale a more computer-friendly name, of course. Next, it used a powerful algorithm to analyze your personal data (demographic, genealogical, astrological, fantasy football, etc.) in order to find the six best Betabrand products to show you:
And, finally, the Betabrand Supercomputer mentioned several unfortunate things that might happen if you don’t order something from our site today:
You will be transported into a Tron-like existence inside a spreadsheet program.
Your laptop will unexpectedly snap shut with the force of a bear trap.
You will receive powerful electric shocks every time you post a photo of your meal on Facebook.
A computer virus will replace your entire LinkedIn resume with “CTO of ClownsInHeat.com“.
Will this malicious machine make good on its threats? We’re not entirely sure — best to play it safe and order one or more wonderful Betabrand products. Remember: We make ’em in small batches, so supplies are very limited. Get your 20% savings while you can!
Cyber Monday Caption Contest!
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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