In today’s newsletter: CEO cyclists, sawdust snorting, and a tribute to legendary black sheep Salvatore Tribuiani. And a bunch of job posts, too.
With the end of daylight saving time, America’s top CEOs now find themselves cycling to and from the office in the dark. Thank goodness we just created an ultra-fancy pair of pants for two-wheeled commuters: Pinstripe Bike to Work Pants.
Like all our Bike to Work Pants, these exceptionally fine trousers sport a secret inner brilliance: cuffs that roll up to reveal super-bright reflective material, plus an equally blinding pullout that deploys from a rear pocket. The result: radical reflectivity that lets motorists and pedestrians know that you mean business.
They also feature cyclist-friendly features like a reinforced crotch, zippered rear pocket, raised back cut for crack coverage, and a slight stretchiness in the wool-blend fabric. The result: a pedal-powered commute that’s safe, comfy, and pretty darn stylish.
Make a seamless transition from bicycle to boardroom in a pair of Pinstripe Bike to Work Pants. We made just a small batch, so order yours today!
Tom Timber Flannel: Signature Shirt of America’s Second-Most Famous Woodsman
There once was a lumberjack who stood 50 feet tall if he was an inch. A brawny, bearded fellow who could gobble 1,000 flapjacks for breakfast — and fell 100 mighty oaks by lunch. With his bare hands.
His name was Tom Timber, and he was known and loved from the Great North Woods of Minnesota to the sequoia-lined slopes of the Sierra Nevada. Alas, it was this gentleman giant’s misfortune to work in the shadow — quite literally — of the even-more-enormous woodcutter Paul Bunyan, a jealous brute who refused to share the logging spotlight with anyone other than his horrible, bloodthirsty blue ox. And so Tom Timber’s mighty feats of forestry were lost to the ages, until now.
Today, Betabrand is proud to present a limited-edition scale replica of the legendary lumberjack’s favorite flannel shirt. Now you, too, can share the legacy of America’s second-most famous woodsman. Rest assured that when you slip on this luxuriously comfortable garment, you’ll feel like pine sap is coursing through your veins. Also:
Your appetite for pancakes will increase exponentially.
You’ll experience 2-3 pounds of instant beard growth.
You’ll find yourself unable to enjoy social gatherings without first snorting several lines of sawdust.
Like Tom Timber, you’ll try to use telephone poles for toothpicks and power lines as dental floss.
Turpentine will become your favorite cologne.
Chain saws will replace all of your kitchen utensils.
Start living the lumberjack lifestyle today with an authentic Tom Timber Flannel Shirt. (Note: not to be confused with Yukon adult-film star Tim Timber.)
Come Work With Us
Unfortunately, we’re not yet large enough to afford our own elite squadron of lumberjacks. We are, however, able to offer a number of great new jobs here in San Francisco. Want to join in the fun? We’re looking for engineers, production folks, e-commerce analysts, and more. Check out all of our new openings.
Now, we’d like to briefly mention a very real person. Recently, one of our all-time favorite Model Citizens passed away in his native Italy at the age of 92. While we didn’t know Salvatore Tribuiani personally, we loved the photos of him wearing his Black Sheep Sweater, a gift from his niece in America. She said he liked his sweater for its wool smell and anti-conformist metaphor, which apparently jibed well with his colorful personality. He liked his sweater so much, in fact, he asked to be buried in it. That’s pretty much the finest compliment a Betabrand product has ever received.
In Case You Missed ‘Em: Recent Releases
Our hardworking fashion scientists unveil thrilling new inventions every week! In addition to the Pinstripe Bike to Work Pants and the Tom Timber Flannel Shirt, here are some other recent breakthroughs:
Strongman Henley Shirts: Once upon a time, carnival strongmen like Medicine Balls McGillicuddy and The Handsome Hernia plied their trade with little more than a well-oiled mustache and a handsome striped shirt. Honor this proud tradition with one of our three limited-edition Strongman Shirts!
Academic Hoodie: a beautiful herringbone-tweed hoodie, featuring professorial-grade leather elbow patches.
Reversible Smoking Jackets: four sleek new styles of our famous chameleon coat. Each features a sinfully silky satin brocade, seven flask-sized pockets, and the enthusiastic endorsement of Satan.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
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