Betabrand Presents: Halloween Safety Tips, Plus Last Day For 20% Savings

In today’s newsletter: Great deals on all all in-stock items, life-saving advice, and same-day pantseria delivery in San Francisco.

 

Gray Dress Pant Sweatpants

 

At Betabrand, we don’t want to simply save you money, we want to help save your life! That’s why, in addition to reminding you about our Mondo Halloween Sale, we’re giving you a few invaluable pointers during this festive and potentially deadly time of year. Heed our advice, and you might live to see November.

 

Safety Tip #1: Disco-Based Vampire Defense

Disco Skirt and Women's Disco Hoodie

 

When Nosferatu won’t take no for an answer, slip on Disco Pants, a Disco Hoodie, or any other DiscoLab garment. Their unparalleled shine will turn night into day — and nearby vampires into smoldering heaps of slag.

 

Safety Tip #2: Beware The Pantless Horseman!

Pantless Horseman

 

Legend has it that this bottomless beast takes to the darkened streets every Halloween, tearing trousers off the legs of terror-stricken townsfolk. To avoid his wrath, place a neatly folded pair of your finest pants on the porch at midnight. Worried that your current wardrobe isn’t up to snuff? Relax! Just consult this list of Horseman-approved options. (Don’t have a porch? Then we’re afraid you’re doomed.)

 

Safety Tip #3: Escape Zombie Brunch Plans In A Pair Of Cordarounds

Cordarounds

 

No doubt you have many admirable traits: a sparkling personality, a fine singing voice, and — so far as zombies are concerned — an irresistible assortment of mouth-watering internal organs. Don’t let the undead rip you asunder this Halloween; make sure you’re wearing Cordarounds. The unique horizontal-corduroy design of our signature trousers puts an aerodynamic spring in your step — keeping you safely ahead of hungry hordes.

 

Safety Tip #4: Deflect Demonic Possession With Mary-Go-Rounds

Mary-Go-Rounds

 

This time of year especially, Beelzebub and his minions are on the lookout for fresh souls to commandeer. Avoid costly exorcisms and Satan-related social faux pas with Mary-Go-Rounds, pants that pack more demon-deflecting power than any other drawstring trousers on the market today — guaranteed.

 

Remember, our site-wide Mondo Halloween Sale ends TODAY! Inventory is disappearing faster than blood sausages at a vampire pancake breakfast, so snag some 20% savings today!

 

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Same-Day SF Delivery! Must Order By Noon

 

Last week’s Betabrand Pansteria experiment was such a success, we’re giving San Franciscans another chance to enjoy FREE, same-day delivery! Order before noon (PST, of course), and your piping-hot Betabrand pants, hoodies, or whatever else will be delivered in a handsome pizza box by some manner of lunatic. Check out the thrilling action from last week:

 

Pantseria delivery video

 

To get same-day delivery, you must 1) give us a home or office address in San Francisco (see delivery area below), 2) place your order no later than noon, 3) enter gift code PIEME in your cart, and 4) select “Pick-Up” as your shipping method at checkout. Expect your delivery this afternoon — sometime before 5 p.m. We’ll call you about five minutes before it shows up.

 

Piping-hot pants!

 

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT ASK

 

  • How about Oakland? Or Finland? Sorry, same-day deliveries are limited to San Francisco (see map below). But if you order today, you’ll get 20% off!

  • How about big stuff: Reversible Smoking Jackets, Cornucopia Bags, washing machines, etc.? We’ll still deliver these items to you for free, but they won’t be stuffed in pizza boxes. (Jackets come in their own lovely boxes).

  • Minimum order? Work with us here: Please order something reasonably substantial. If all you’re going to do is order socks, spare our delivery folks another trip.

  • Will you get to enjoy a singing pizza-gram or pizza strip-a-gram? Ask nicely and find out!

  • Is this more exciting than a visit from the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol? There’s simply no comparison.

 

Same-day delivery area

 

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Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110

info@betabrand.com / 800.694.9491

 

Betabrand Rocket Eagles

 

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Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
Betabrand Supercomputer
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.