We’re fed up with the exorbitant cost of renting in San Francisco, so we’ve decided to move the entire Betabrand operation onto our brand-new airship as soon as possible. That’s right, the world’s finest horizontal corduroy pants will be produced amongst the clouds. Soaring eagles will inspire our scientists; brilliant sunshine will invigorate our seamstresses. It’s one more reason to feel superior when you slip on a pair.
But we’re going to need help. Lots of help. The Betabrand Zeppelin will require hundreds of able-bodied crew members, from pilots to Pilates instructors. Of course, liftoff may be later rather than sooner (see funds raised below), so there’s plenty of time for you to begin training. All you need is the right attitude and at least one pair of horizontal corduroy trousers. Remember, we’re not looking for just anyone, we’re looking for anyone who wears pants.
All positions will carry the “aero-” prefix, making even the most mundane endeavor significantly more important-sounding (Aeroaccountant — now that’s more than a job, that’s an adventure!) In addition, our salaries and comprehensive benefits package are among the best in the airborne pant-manufacturing industry.
Current job openings:
Aerochef: Duties will include overseeing the harpooning and gourmet preparation of geese and other migratory fowl.
Aeroconductor: Responsible for leading our in-house symphony orchestra in thunderous Wagnerian overtures whenever the Betabrand Zeppelin appears on the horizon.
Aeroaristocrat: Pompous dandy, professional layabout, with blood bluer than the stratosphere. Manages compulsory cocktail hour(s).
Aerostrongman: Will do the business’ “heavy lifting,” both literally and figuratively — mostly literally. Minimum three years of handlebar-mustache growth required.
AeroC++ Engineer, Level 5: Conceptual understanding of software design process, with focus on database and data analytics. Knowlege of Perl and formation. Wing-walking experience encouraged.
AeroAquanaut: Did we mention our Olympic-sized swimming pool?
While it may take some time to find suitable applicants for the positions above, Betabrand is also seeking help in areas that you or your friends may be able to dig into immediately — jobs like:
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