Plus free socks ($33 value) and thrilling job opportunities!
At long last, trousers designed to meet the rigorous demands of the death-defying office stuntman! Introducing new Corporate Casualty SOBs: comfy cotton-canvas khakis cut like our rough-and-tumble, daredevil-approved Sons of Britches Jeans.
Rest assured that these trousers have been field-tested under professional office-stunt conditions. At this very moment, in fact, they’re being worn on the set of the upcoming Keanu Reeves thriller PowerPoint Break. Of course, you might be wondering if you really need top-notch stunt trousers. So ask yourself:
Do you often “forget” your laptop, just so you can leap out of a 4th floor window to retrieve it?
Have you lobbied for a vending machine that carries neck braces and anti-venom?
Ever re-purposed an office copier as a mechanical bull?
Have you and your judo master been reprimanded for using the breakroom too literally?
Do office fire drills occasionally involve you, on fire?
Next up: new, limited-edition Burnout SOBs. As any grizzled old daredevil will tell you, there’s nothing more melodious than the sound of squealing tires, nothing sweeter than the nostril-stinging stench of sizzling rubber and carcinogenic smoke. Why, stuntmen on the sets of movies from Smokey and the Bandit to The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift have been known to weep openly at the sight of a well-executed burnout.
To honor this sacred rite of stuntmanship, we’ve created a pair of lightweight linen-cotton trousers the color of cool, refreshing asphalt. They’re so wonderfully comfortable, you’ll want to wear them all the time, even when you’re not driving a nitro-fueled motorcycle down the suspension cables of the Golden Gate Bridge.
In fact, we’re so excited about new Burnout SOBs, we just launched our biggest marketing campaign ever! We’ve enlisted thousands of reckless teenagers to leave smoldering skid marks in parking lots, driveways, and busy intersections across the nation. If there’s a howling Camaro scorching your street with coal-black donuts right now, you know who to thank!
New Think Tank Project: Wool SOBs
Want to be alerted the moment either of these fine trousers are available? Got some brilliant design suggestions to share with us? Visit each product’s Think Tank page.
Socktacular Savings! (That Means ‘Free Socks’)
Want a free 3-pack of men’s or women’s COLOURlovers Striped Socks? We bet your feet do. So just plop a pack into your Betabrand.com cart, along with at least one other non-sock item, and we’ll automatically deduct $33 from your total order at checkout! (Limit of one free 3-Pack per order.)
The B-Glasses Portrait Challenge: Update
Want to see your silly photo transformed into a world-class oil painting? There’s still time to enter our latest B-Glasses contest! Check out some of the top contenders so far:
To enter, just upload an amusing and/or highly awesome photo of yourself to our site, and then slap on a pair of B-Glasses. It’s quick and easy with our Model Citizen app (choose the “New To Betabrand?” option); in seconds, you’ll have a shareable link to your very own Betabrand.com page, plus a 10% discount code.
Best of all, you might win one of two custom oil paintings; we’re handing out a top prize for the photo that gets the most “likes” (on its Betabrand.com page) and for the photo that gets the most kudos in our office. Submissions will be accepted through Friday, June 29. Look for updates on our Facebook Fan Page.
Come Work For Us!
Attention unemployed zeppelin pilots, circus strongmen, and Icelandic folklorists: Check back soon for exciting employment opportunities! If, however, you’re thinking about a career change, consider applying for one of these current openings:
Front-End Web Developer: Want to help grow a small company? Like wearing many hats (literally and figuratively)? Got a good sense of humor? Now that we’ve got all that out of the way, click here to see the other stuff that we think is important.
Production Manager: We’re looking for someone with 1-4 years of manufacturing experience (especially with small runs) in San Francisco and overseas. The ideal candidate will have managed everything from fabric sourcing to cut & sew. He or she will also demonstrate a willingness to occasionally wear a silly wig.
Please send resumes, portfolios, and so on to email@example.com.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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