Foolproof instructions for staying cool and comfortable in the season of swelter. Plus, a Renaissance-inspired B-Glasses contest and a pair of new Think Tank projects.
#1 Dress Pant Sweatpants: The Traveler’s Best Friend
Frequent fliers know that a comfy pair of trousers is nearly as important as prescription pills when it comes to mitigating the inherent horrors of airplane travel. Made of wonderfully soft, supple French terry, our Dress Pant Sweatpants are designed to help your legs rest easy — while the rest of you endures a cramped, dread-filled voyage through the deadly, turbulent troposphere.
#2 SuckerLab: For The Libation-Based Vacation
You don’t want to feel too toasty while getting toasted this summer. So may we suggest our SuckerLab pants, shorts, hoodies, and more — all made from the world’s most refreshing, lightweight seersucker. They’re great for weddings, wine-tasting weekends, beer-bong beach blowouts, and even artisanal moonshine jamborees.
#3 LibertyLab: Pants, Skirts, Caperon, Freedom
Heading to the Summer Olympics in London? You’ll want to make it perfectly clear that you’re not Canadian — not after all those racy comments the Prime Minister made recently about the Queen. Not a problem if you’re wearing USA Pants, a USA Skirt, or a Caperon. (Travel advisory: Wearing these star-spangled garments is also guaranteed to make your next trip to, say, Paris or the tribal regions of Pakistan at least 1,000% more adventurous!)
#4 Bawaiian Tropic
So maybe you can’t afford to visit a tropical paradise this summer. Well, there’s always the ne’er-do-well island of Bawaii. Do you enjoy erupting volcanoes and poisonous flying crabs? Ever wanted to see a waterfall of fungal slime? Are you up-to-date on all your monkey-fever vaccinations? Perfect!
If you want to blend in with the locals, we suggest two things: 1) cultivate a severe case of scurvy prior to your visit, and 2) order a genuine men’s or women’s Bawaiian Shirt from Betabrand. These beautiful garments are the only things that Bawaiians are even remotely proud of — other than their thriving lava-export business.
#5 Karate Casuals: Roadtrip-Ready
Plan to spend a lot of time in a car this summer? Consider packing a pair of Karate Casuals, drawstring trousers engineered for optimal summertime sitting.
These pants are made from fine linen, one of the lightest, softest, most breathable materials around. Rest assured that our engineers subjected our entire Karate Casual line to a withering battery of endurance tests that included cross-country roadtrips in Smart cars, being sandwiched between the McCrary twins in the back of a Greyhound bus bound for the Amazon, and a week of summer train rides in a boxcar full of heavily perspiring hobos. The result: Karate Casuals kept our test subjects feeling remarkably cool and fresh, despite exposure to near-toxic levels of sweat and fast-food flatulence.
The B-Glasses Oil-Painting Challenge
Want to be immortalized in a world-class work of art, suitable for hanging over the hearth in your stately manor? Then it’s time to win a handsome oil painting of your favorite silly photo!
All you have to do is upload an amusing and/or highly awesome photo of yourself to our site, and then slap on a pair of B-Glasses. It’s quick and easy with our Model Citizen app (choose the “New To Betabrand?” option); in seconds, you’ll have a shareable link to your very own Betabrand.com page, plus a 10% discount code.
Best of all, you’ll be automatically entered in the contest. We’re awarding two custom oil paintings: one for the photo that gets the most “likes” (on its Betabrand.com page) and one for the photo that gets the most kudos in our office. Submissions will be accepted through Friday, June 29. Look for updates on our Facebook Fan Page.
New Think Tank Projects: Pea Coats
If enough people like ’em, we’ll make ’em! You can leave all your constructive and not-so-constructive comments on each Pea Coat product page.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
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