At long last, we expose the ugly truth behind the so-called “Hawaiian Shirt.” Plus, a Model Citizen sock video to defrost the iciest of hearts.
Ever heard of the island of Bawaii?
No? That’s not surprising. This poor little chunk of rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is, quite possibly, the most woebegone nation on Earth. What else can you say about an island whose chief export is molten lava? An island known to other Polynesian cultures as “Isle of Infinite Sorrows” and “Place Where the Poisonous, Bloodthirsty Monkeys Dwell”?
For centuries, Bawaiians had at least one thing they could be proud of: legendarily colorful, comfortable shirts. But then warriors from the neighboring Hawaiian Islands rowed ashore one night and stole all those shirts, leaving the inhabitants of Bawaii worse off than ever. To add insult to injury, the so-called “Hawaiian Shirt” soon grew famous around the world, while the increasingly desperate Bawaiians were forced to wear Styrofoam coolers that had washed up on the beach.
Now, Betabrand is working to correct this historical injustice with beautiful, limited-edition men’s and women’s shirts in the classic Bawaiian style. They’re lightweight, super-comfortable, and feature flora prints that recall Bawaii’s lush past — before it was denuded by crazed wild pigs high on volcanic fumes.
Help us rekindle the dim flame of Bawaiian national pride by proudly wearing a genuine Bawaiian Shirt. (Disclaimer: they’re not completely genuine; we had to make them in San Francisco, because no one in Bawaii remembers how to sew.) We made just a small batch — order yours today!
Cynical, world-weary newsletter readers: Please take a moment to escape your swirling vortex of bitterness and ennui with Mägi, DiscoLab Model Citizen and sock-collector extraordinaire. Watch the video below to learn more about her beloved Wall of Socks. (Starting your own sock collection? Make sure you’ve got the proper insurance policy.)
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