Betabrand Presents: New Summer Linens

This week: pants and dresses not made from mummy linen. Plus, a new Drinking Jacket prototype, USA Pants with a side of cyber-gravy, and last call for Cat Fancy Contest photos.

New Linen Pants and Dresses, Field-Tested In Ancient Egypt

Contrary to published reports, Betabrand did not hire a team of Egypt’s most daring grave robbers to plunder the country’s supply of mummies. Nor did we have them delivered to our San Francisco sew shop, where their exquisite linen wrappings were unraveled and turned into new summer pants and dresses. No, that would be pure speculation.

Khaki Linen Karate Casuals

New Khaki Linen Karate Casuals: 100% cool, super-comfy linen. 100% curse-free.

But let’s say, for argument’s sake, we really did use pure mummy linen — and only after hiring a local necromancer to lift all lingering, mummy-based curses. Could you blame us? For thousands of years, linen has been known as one of the coolest, lightest, most comfortable fabrics around. That’s something any mummy will tell you, though it will probably sound more like horrific, unintelligible moaning.

Navy-Check Linen Wrap Dress

Nefertiti herself would wear this dress, were she not a mummy without a valid credit card.

No matter how you plan to enjoy yourself this summer, indulge in a little pharaonic luxury with our new Khaki Linen Karate Casual Pants and the Navy-Check Linen Wrap Dress, both of which were almost assuredly not made from ancient Egyptian funerary wrappings. They’re available for a limited time — and only at Betabrand.com.

When Mummies Look Good, They Feel Good

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New From The Think Tank: The Greyhound Reversible Summer Drinking Jacket

Despite the success of our Black Dragon Reversible Drinking Jacket, a growing number of tropical lushes, Southern souses, and warm-weather winos have demanded that we create a garment more suited to summer carousing. We’ve heard their slurred and rambling pleas, and we want to help. So now our fashion engineers are working a new, lightweight linen version: the Greyhound.

Greyhound Reversible Drinking Jacket

This prototype is made of 100% linen, so it’s soft and super-comfortable, even in the toastiest of climes. Just last week, in fact, we successfully lowered a Betabrand model into an erupting volcano with nothing more than a Greyhound (the jacket) and a Greyhound (the cocktail.)

Speaking of getting toasty, the Greyhound sports six flask-sized pockets, large enough to also hold wads of cash with which to make it rain — nay, storm! — at your favorite adult entertainment destination. And, like the Black Dragon, it’s reversible; when it’s truly time to get shoulder-deep in sin, turn it inside-out to reveal a a lining of supremely swank paisley tie-cloth.

Greyhound Reversible Drinking Jacket

Like it? Loathe it? Think it needs more alcohol-toting pockets? Feel free to leave all manner of feedback on the product page (just scroll down a tad), where you can also sign up for a Greyhound alert.

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USA Pants: Now Worn By America’s Top Cyber-Eaters

You might remember Betabrand Model Citizen and top-ranked competitive eater Tim “Gravy” Brown from past feats of feasting like last year’s historic Donut/Tofu Challenge.

All-American Gravy

Now, Mr. Brown and his USA Pants are back in a thrilling new video game, which, at first glance, appears to be an all-you-can-eat-buffet version of Tron. (Download it here.)

All-American (Cyber)Gravy

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The Cat Fancy Photo Challenge Ends Today!

That’s right: Just a few more hours to submit your finest (i.e., funniest) Model Citizen photo for a chance to appear our first Cat Fancy magazine ad. At precisely one nanosecond after midnight, the Betabrand Supercomputer will begin tabulating the results using a complex algorithm of human humor, feline humor, Facebook likes, and approximately 3,000 other variables. The winner will be declared on Thursday.

Want everlasting fame among America’s most hard-core feline aficionados? Upload your photo, cat-related or otherwise, with our handy-dandy Model Citizen app, and you’ll automatically be entered in the contest. Plus, you’ll get a nice discount code.

The Model-Citizen Cat Fancy Challenge

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Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110

info@betabrand.com / 800.694.9491

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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.