A public service announcement from the makers of horizontal-corduroy trousers.
With America's national celebration of humiliating trickery just days away, Betabrand wants to make sure its customers are thoroughly prepared. That's why today's announcement about new Sandstone and Lapis Cordarounds is designed to test your hogwash detector.
As any fashionologist will tell you, our horizontal-corduroy trousers are significantly quieter and more aerodynamic than standard cords, and their revolutionary design vastly reduces dangerous crotch friction. But let's put aside stone-cold science for a moment.
To sharpen your baloney sensors, we've provided the following list of statements about our new Cordarounds. Some are true, some are false; we'll reveal which are which at the end of this timely style advisory.
1. Made from conflict-free cotton.
2. Sewn by matronly, nimble-fingered nanobots.
3. Feature buttons forged from the secretions of poisonous bears.
4. Designed with the help of leading gastroenterologists to gently massage your lower intestine.
5. Not to be confused with our Easter-Edition Lepus Cordarounds, made from the fur of giant, bloodthirsty rabbits.
6. Engineered horizontally so rattlesnakes can more easily coil around your ankles.
7. Often mistaken for twin stacks of delicious flapjacks by hungry, sawdust-addled lumberjacks.
8. Not recommended for doing the Twist; you can easily spin out of control and burrow deep into the Earth's mantle.
9. Will last longer without refrigeration than Codarounds.
10. Guaranteed to make any pantomime performance 10% less annoying.
*Statements 1-10 are true.
Model Citizen Caption Contest: Win A Hoodigan
Last Days Of Disco
Director Klaus Hammerstrike wants YOUR videos! That's right: The action-film auteur who drew raves at Sundance for his "Im Land Der Zornigen Kaninchen" is hard at work on his next masterpiece, "Disco" (working title) — a pulse-pounding cinematic collage of Betabrand Model Citizens sporting DiscoLab duds.
Do you own Disco Pants, a Disco Hoodie, or any other shimmering DiscoLab product? Have you filmed yourself doing spectacular and/or amusing things in these garments? If so, Klaus would like to include your video footage in his movie. Send it to email@example.com. (Submissions will be accepted for just a few more days!)
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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