Early this morning, San Franciscans awoke to find a trio of new products for sale on our site: a hooded cardigan for men and a shirt and skirt for women. Too excited to wait for their orders to arrive by mail — too excited to even bother ordering — thousands rushed to our office to snag these items the moment we opened for business. As word spread that we'd made just 100 of each, a feverish panic soon gripped the clothing-hungry crowd, transforming it into a deadly swarm of screaming, slobbering, weapon-wielding maniacs!
How horrible is the scene outside Betabrand's increasingly blood-slathered windows? Combine the most suffocating Walmart Black Friday stampede, the most violent Air Jordan riots, and the most latte-fueled iPhone fanboy fisticuffs, and you can begin to appreciate our predicament.
Before we continue with lurid descriptions of the hair-pulling, limb-severing, eyeball-consuming throng that has surrounded our building, you may be interested to learn more about the cause of all this pandemonium:
Some fashion anthropologists argue it's the offspring of a hoodie and a cardigan. Others speculate it evolved from our own Henley Shirt. One thing's for sure: The Hoodigan is soft, lightweight, and incredibly comfortable. If we must be torn asunder by a psychotic mob, this is what we'd like to be wearing.
Wildflower Double-Take Skirt
Our newest reversible skirt features a riot (maybe a poor choice of words, considering present circumstances) of color, with a surprise: a thin layer of tulle fabric that covers its lush wildflower print like a veil of morning mist.
Floral Mission Shirt
This shirt was designed in San Francisco's Mission District, and made in a little sew shop on Mission Street. So you see, it's uniquely designed to handle any mission, top-secret or otherwise. This includes our current mission to escape a bloodthirsty horde.
Oh, the humanity! All over the city, cars have been torched and trees uprooted. Birds have been snatched out of midair, their beaks re-purposed as shivs. Cannibalism is rampant. And now the pounding on our front doors has become deafening, as it seems the rioters have knocked down Coit Tower and are using it as a battering ram.
We suggest you order your limited-edition Hoodigan, Floral Mission Shirt, or Wildflower Double-Take Skirt as soon as possible. With a little luck — and the little flamethrower we keep on hand for customer-service emergencies like this — we might buy enough time to ship out your orders on the retrofitted weather balloon tethered to our roof. Pray for us.
B-Glasses Contest Ends Today!
Did you know you can get 10% off your entire Betabrand.com order today simply by uploading an odd photo of yourself to our site? And, for another few hours, you can also enter to win the first two products we're releasing in April
Just slap a pair of B-Glasses on your most fantastically ridiculous photo and upload it using our handy-dandy Model Citizen app. You'll receive a discount code, plus you'll be automatically entered in the contest, which ends today. On Monday, we'll announce two winners: the contestant that gets the most "Likes" on his or her Model Citizen page, and the person whose photo makes our office crack up the most.
Can you top these submissions? (See more of our favorites here.)
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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