New product names and awe-inspiring deals; up to 25% off already discounted items!
How much more popular would the iPhone be if it was called the "electric hogwhistle"? How many more bottles of soda could Coca-Cola sell were its signature beverage named "Juicy Swamp Fizz"? Similarly, we've been wondering if our products would benefit from some strategic rebranding. Now we're about to find out.
Using a propriety branding algorithm, the Betabrand Supercomputer has created fantastic new names for 20 Betabrand products. We're offering all of 'em at very nice discounts on our Sale page. What's more, for the next 48 hours only, we're including some extra-special deals:*
Order two sale items, get 15% off.
Order three sale items, get 20% off.
- Order four or more sale items, get 25% off.
Now, here's little preview:
These exquisite trousers are crafted from a 100% certified-organic blend of pig and cow manure, sourced from farms right here in San Francisco. Handsome, rugged, and surprisingly odorless, our Signature Poopy Pants are a fresh new take on dungarees.
Time to heed the call of the wild! Late last year, our hunting expedition returned from British Columbia with several dozen of the finest sasquatch pelts we've ever laid eyes on. Now we've turned 'em into these gorgeous, all-natural sweaters. Remember: If it doesn't reek of fur mold and rancid salmon, it's not genuine sasquatch!
In an attempt to commodify the last, greasy-scalped vestige of Grunge, we proudly present the Scumberjack, a plaid flannel shirt that's been certified as authentically filthy and unkempt by a blue-ribbon panel of destitute ex-rockers, alcoholic roadies, and the Pacific Northwest's leading junkies.
At last, you can own the same coat worn by officers in the Imperial Luxembourg Navy, the most illustrious land-locked naval force in Europe! Experience the thrill of rich maritime tradition, without ever having to portage a battleship across Belgium.
Remember, the super rebranding deals end this weekend!
*Discounts apply to sale items only and will be applied automatically at checkout.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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