Donnie Burbles' Bowling Shirt, King Midas' Golden Hoodie, Disco Duds for ladies, and the $500 million Klaus Hammerstrike blockbuster movie.
The Disco Bowling Shirt: Become A Legend Of The Lanes
In the grand pantheon of bowling legends, one name towers above the rest. A name so profoundly sacred, merely whispering it in a bowling alley makes pitchers of beer froth uncontrollably, ball returns run in reverse, and snack-bar cashiers weep nacho-cheese tears. And that name is Donnie Burbles, the greatest bowler ever to grace the lanes of northern Ohio.
Some say Burbles controlled his ball telepathically. Others swear that when he bowled, the crashing pins sounded like a chorus of angels. To this day, he remains the only human who has managed to transcend the perfect game: In the final frame of the 1977 Cleveland Invitational, his thunderous delivery actually split the head pin neatly in two, resulting in a score of 301.
Now, at the behest of the Great Lakes Bowling Alliance, we've created a faithful reproduction of Burbles' super-shiny signature shirt. (The original lies in a climate-controlled shrine deep beneath the Bowling Hall of Fame.)
Of course, we couldn't help but add a few nifty upgrades to the classic bowling shirt design. Like pure, cornea-searing disconium, the shiniest substance in the known universe. And wonderfully wickable black contrast fabric to keep any kegler cool and dry under the toughest tournament conditions.
Order a limited-edition Disco Bowling Shirt today, and start building your own scarcely believable legacy.
The Golden Disco Hoodie: Unintentional Restock
Well, we won't invite King Midas to another Betabrand shindig anytime soon. Once his drunken majesty got hold of the Goldschläger, it was all over.
This morning, we found him passed out in our storeroom in a 24-carat puddle of puke. Also, half of our Reversible Disco Hoodie inventory had been turned into shimmering gold. The results are quite stunning, we must admit.
You can now order a limited-edition Reversible Golden Disco Hoodie for the same price as a standard Disco Hoodie; given the soaring value of precious metals, that's a pretty great deal.
Attention Ladies: Disco Delights Are Coming!
Our Antarctic mining operation recently struck a massive new vein of pure disconium — which, you might recall from Geology 101, is the most spectacularly shiny substance in the Solar System. At last, we have enough of this shimmering stuff to make Disco garments just for women!
We're now developing two new inventions in the Betabrand Think Tank: The Disco Skirt and Disco Ball Gown. Like all DiscoLab products, they're guaranteed to make you the center of attention. Also, we guarantee they're not radioactive.
We'd love to know what you think about the Disco Skirt and Disco Ball Gown. You can post comments in the Think Tank section on each product page. Want to know the instant they're available for purchase? Just sign up for an e-mail alert.
A Model Citizen Call to Action: Disco Video Edition
Exciting news from Betabrand studios: We've just hired action director extraordinaire Klaus Hammerstrike to helm our upcoming feature-length Disco Movie. Imagine a combination of Gone With The Wind, Star Wars, Reefer Madness, and the X-Games — with an all-Romanian cast. (Watch the thrilling trailer below.)
What's more, we'll be using video submissions from our intrepid Model Citizens who have dutifully filmed themselves doing spectacular (and also spectacularly silly) things in their DiscoLab garments.
Want to be a star? Want to let us exploit your talents for our glory? Hooray! Just send your raw Disco video footage to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
email@example.com / 800.694.9491
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