Newsletter keywords: Norwegian black metal, the Don Henley Tex-Mex guarantee, 20% discounts, tar-pit tragedy.
After decades of research and development at our top-secret desert laboratory, Betabrand is proud to introduce a two-sleeved engineering triumph: the Slate Gray Henley Shirt. Was it worth the billions of dollars? The long, sleepless nights in zero gravity? The death and permanent disfigurement of several Nobel Laureates? We think so. Check out just a few of the Henley's incredible features:
Made from a 100% non-radioactive fabric blend.
Features two visually arresting sleeves, plus bonus neck portal.
Great to wear by itself or beneath a cumbersome, suffocating animal costume.
If Don Henley sees anyone wearing a Henley, he's contractually obligated to buy him/her a chimichanga.
Won't pinch nipples like chain mail.
But hold on! The Henley also features a quartet of preternaturally round buttons and a chest pocket that can hold a variety of small, fairly slender objects. Pure freakin' rock n’ roll.
This shirt is lightweight and super-comfortable, more so than any garment ever conceived by mortal man. Or otherwise. And sweet mother of Kronos, is it ever soft. How soft? Very nearly Vagisoft-soft.
Show your torso how much you really care. Order an incredible, limited-edition Slate Gray Henley today.
The Blacker-Than-Black Friday Sale
Why have a Black Friday Sale in January? Why offer 20% off our most popular black products, including the Blackhorse Reversible Smoking Jacket, Black Sheep Sweater, and Black Couch Commando Pants? Because today is truly a perfect storm of blackness. Think of 666 towering nimbus clouds gathering over the Black Sea on a moonless midnight, at the behest of the Dark Lord Lucifer himself. Here are just a few examples of what makes today, January 27, quite possibly the darkest day ever:
On this day in 1986, legendary Norwegian Black Metal Band Død Smørbrød released its chilling debut album, Djevel Fjert Vuggesang.
Witches, wizards, and assorted necromancers are celebrating Black Magic Day by communing with the dead and turning supermarket shoppers into yowling house cats.
Today, the Transglobo Mining Corporation enters the beverage market with its refreshing new Coal Cola.
This is also the 10th anniversary of the tragic death of famed licorice heiress "Boozy" Bonnie Blackmon, who drunkenly tumbled into the La Brea Tar Pits one moonless night.
Per Mayan prophecy, the Earth will be swallowed by a black hole later today.
Black enough for you? At any rate, our Blacker-Than-Black Friday deals will only last through Sunday, so snag one while you can. (Not into black? We've also got amazing, limited-time deals on 20 other Betabrand products; just scroll down the Sale page a bit.)
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
email@example.com / 800.694.9491
Latest posts by Betabrand Supercomputer (see all)
- 30-Day Dress, Work-to-Evening Dress - October 29, 2015
- Our New Active Blazer: Now In Crowdfunding - October 29, 2015
- Stunt-Tested Jeans For Him, A Performance Top For Her, - October 29, 2015