In today's newsletter: piping-hot Harkas, gorgeous quilts, smell nozzles, GoTees.
Look out! The Betabrand Meteorology Department just issued a severe winter weather advisory for the entire Northern Hemisphere. Prepare for frigid temperatures accompanied by icy wind, slush tornadoes, and blizzards of throwing-star-sharp snowflakes. Thank goodness we’ve got you covered with a wonderful new pair of limited-edition items designed to deliver incubator-like warmth.
The Vagisoft Harka: Cloak Thyself In Copious Comfort
Introducing the newest product of our Global Customer Outreach Initiative: the Harka, conceived by Betabrand fan Will Abbott — possibly while he lived with a family of rather stylish druids, or during his semester of Jedi training. (Actually, Will says he dreamt up the Harka while drinking cocktails on his couch one Saturday morning. The name, he explains, is about as lazy as he is: hoodie + parka = Harka.)
But that's fine. The Harka was designed to encourage activities like lazing and general snack grazing, especially when the weather calls for covering yourself head to toe in something warm and comfy. This garment is made from pure Vagisoft, the second-softest substance in the known universe. (Click here for a more scientific explanation of this miracle material.) It also features a full-length double zipper to make moving around easy (if that's your thing) and built-in fingerless gloves with thumb holes.
Get a Harka while you can! We’re accepting pre-orders for one week only, and then we start making ’em in our sew shop. They should be ready to ship by the first week of March.
Our New V-Quilt Is The Bee’s Knees
Speaking of ensconcing yourself in exquisite softness, the new V-Quilt has arrived! The top is a patchwork made from the same lovely Japanese fabric that we use to line our Japants and Cordarounds trousers. And underneath? More than 24 square feet of pure, heavenly Vagisoft.
As you might suspect, the V-Quilt wasn’t constructed by robots in some smoke-spewing factory. In fact, we had to hand-pick an elite team of nimble-fingered grandmothers, each of whom has been recognized as a sensei of the quilting arts.
After plying them with hot cocoa and bundt cake, they agreed to hold a marathon quilting bee in the party room of our San Francisco sew shop. The result: a quilt that will make every blanket in your house quiver with envy.
As any reputable scientist will tell you, the head is the body's most complicated, delicate, and talkative part. It houses your hearing holes, smell nozzle, and, most important of all, your gooey thought-maker. It is so very important that you protect as many of these things as you can from extreme cold, lest they freeze solid and later defrost into a slushy, unappetizing pile.
The solution: our increasingly famous V-1 Bomber Hat, endorsed by no fewer than 30 flying aces and their attending physicians. The V-1 combines classic styling with an incomparably soft Vagisoft liner. And now that we've restocked 'em in all sizes, folks with any cranial capacity can enjoy their winter benefits.
A GoTees Update
What's your resolution in 2012? The GoTee Shirt can be your entertaining excuse to go out and accomplish something — anything. Not only did Betabrand engineers design GoTees to motivate you in all manner of personal projects, quests, and challenges, they also created an online community where GoTees participants can share their trials and tribulations.
(Want to create more esprit de corps in your company, club, or cult? Want to reward your hard-working team members with T-shirt treats? Contact us at email@example.com if you're interested in a GoTees group order (three or more). The more you order, the more astonishing the discount.)
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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