In today's newsletter: Order a Disco Stocking plus any two items, get the Stocking free.
Welcome to the first day of the Betabrand Advent Calendar: 24 days of new products, great holiday deals, and magnificent feats of Model Citizenry.
We're starting things off today by offering FREE Disco Stockings! Just order a Stocking plus two or more of anything in our store, and the Stocking is on us — today only. Or you can buy them for $25 each.
This is perhaps the most stuffable stocking ever created. Like all our DiscoLab inventions, it's made from pure disconium ore. It also features a luxuriously soft black Vagisoft cuff — so soft, it makes Santa's beard feel like a nest of briars and steel wool.
Next, we'd like to formally introduce two products that were born in the Betabrand Think Tank, our online idea incubator where fans help us decide whether brainstorms should become reality.
Disco Baby Pants: Go Gaga
Late last year, the U.S. Agency for Infant-Toddler Space Exploration, better known as Lil’ NASA, began its most ambitious mission yet: to send a crew of highly trained toddlers into deep space in search of alien life. It was thought at the time that these chubby-cheeked little astronauts would make the perfect ambassadors for humanity. Extraterrestrials would find them simply irresistible! (Presumably not in the gastronomic sense.)
Betabrand was proud to be selected as the official outfitter for this historically cute expedition. Our first project: a limited-edition pair of awww-inspiring baby pants designed to be gosh-darn adorable — and also withstand the incredible rigors of interstellar travel.
Unfortunately, significant budget cuts have forced Lil’ NASA to scrap the mission in favor of more cost-efficient alternatives, like an unmanned, orbiting wubbie-research facility. That means these state-of-the art Disco Baby Pants are now available for civilian baby use! We recommend them for tots ages 12–18 months.
The Disco Vest: Engineered For New Year's Eve
Just in time for holiday revelry, we present the shiniest, swankiest vest ever forged by mortal man. The Disco Vest is made from ultra-rare disconium ore, which is found in only one place on Earth: an icy subterranean cavern deep beneath the most remote corner of Antarctica. While we can't divulge details of our mining operation, rest assured that the thousands of Emperor Penguins in our employ are well-fed and receive regular bathroom and cigarette breaks.
Some other important information about this revolutionary party apparel:
- Disconium is the 120th element on the periodic table. It's heavier than neon, funkier than palladium, and significantly sexier than Einsteinium.
- When you wear a Disco Vest, stone-age tribesmen may worship you as their omnipotent sun-god. Don't disappoint them.
- The magnetic properties of this vest increase exponentially when it's exposed to New Year's Eve parties, creating an irresistible attraction between you and nearby lips, liquor bottles, and licentious behavior.
For maximum effect, pair the Disco Vest with Disco Pants and a Reversible Disco Jacket. But be warned: If you plan to wear this supernova of an ensemble within 50 feet of any woman on New Year's Eve, you should probably order a pair of Disco Baby Pants as well.
You'll find the Disco Vest and our other 100% disconium creations in the Betabrand DiscoLab.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
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