Newsletter keywords: armpit conflagration, shirt ecstasy, coronary catastrophe
Once a century, corduroy devotees of every stripe gather to celebrate this day, 11|11|11, the holiest day in the Corduroy Calendar.* On such an auspicious date, we're especially proud to introduce our new Chestnut Corduroy Shirt. It's a classic, casual button-up made with our wondrous Cordarounds fabric. At long last, arms and torsos can experience the horizontal-corduroy sensation that legs have enjoyed for years!
We're not saying this garment will necessarily take you on a dreamy journey of euphoric levitation through sun-dappled hill and dale, as the following video suggests. But it certainly might.
Cordarounds fans may naturally ask whether this shirt is imbued with the same marvelous qualities of our horizontal-corduroy trousers. Of course it is!
- Lower drag coefficient: As you move, air flows virtually unimpeded between the wales of the horizontal-corduroy fabric. Make no mistake, this is the fastest street-legal shirt on the market.
- Reduced armpit-friction buildup: Racewalkers can take comfort knowing that evenly meshing horizontal corduroy eliminates the threat of spontaneous combustion in either pit.
- Silent operation: We’ve eliminated the dreaded swoosh-swoosh of vertical corduroy. So while the quality of this shirt speaks for itself, you’ll never have to hear it.
Rest assured that Chestnut Corduroy Shirts are as soft and comfortable as they are technologically advanced. Our little San Francisco sew shop made just a small batch of them, so they won’t stick around for very long.
*How are you celebrating 11|11|11? Let us know on our Facebook Fan Page, where chimichangas, glam rock, and other pertinent topics are being discussed.
24-Hour Gluttony Pants Sales Spectacular
Legend has it that during the first Thanksgiving feast, Miles Standish ate so much roast pheasant and venison that the buttons on his breeches burst from their stitching with enough force to blind a nearby Indian chief. This incident, in all likelihood, led to King Philip's War.
We want to make sure that this holiday season, Americans can gorge themselves senseless without fear of stirring armed conflict. That's why we're offering our famous Gluttony Pants at a very special, limited-time price of just $70!
We teamed up with legendary S.F. chef Chris Cosentino to create these handsome caramel-canvas trousers, which sport a three-button expandable waist to accommodate your stomach as it grows more and more horribly distended.
Gluttony Pants also feature their own fine cloth napkin; generous pockets that can hold multiple turkey drumsticks, chimichangas, or sticks of butter; and a beautifully illustrated lining that shows the glorious lifecycle of a glutton, from the miracle of birth to the moment before coronary explosion. No wonder they've been officially endorsed by the National Federation of All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurants, and lauded by Conan O'Brien.
Remember, this sale ends tomorrow!
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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