Betabrand Presents: New Cordarounds & The $40 Rebirth of America Sale

Newsletter keywords: groin firestorm, super pant savings, terrified Cape Buffalo.

Auburn Cordarounds

Today, Betabrand proudly releases new five-pocket Cordarounds in Auburn and Khaki. This is earth-shattering news, of course, but it’s part of a much larger story. The story of American rebirth. And also really big savings on pants. Read on.

Khaki Cordarounds

For too long, the American economy has floundered like a thirsty hobo who guzzled his weight in Thunderbird. Economists and other know-it-alls would have you believe that this sad state of affairs arose from mortgage crises and global market instability. But the experts at Betabrand believe this country simply needs to rediscover its indomitable spirit of invention and innovation, a spirit that haunts (in a good way!) every pair of our horizontal-corduroy trousers.

Auburn Cordarounds

Let us explain. Before we introduced Cordarounds, Americans were forced to settle for imported corduroy pants. Vertical corduroy pants. As all U.S. schoolchildren now know, vertical corduroy is impractical, annoying, and dangerous — even deadly! To review:

  • The wales of horizontal corduroy mesh evenly, making Cordarounds at least 16 percent more aerodynamic than vertical corduroy pants.

  • Horizontal corduroy eliminates the universally annoying swish-swish sound.

  • Perhaps most important, horizontal corduroy doesn’t rub together and therefore won’t create excessive inner-thigh friction, which has led to thousands of cases of spontaneous crotch combustion.

    Science of Cordarounds

    What is it with the rest of the world? Do corduroy clothiers in Asia think their customers move too fast already? Do European pant makers believe the perfect accompaniment to any meal is roasted loin? We just don’t know. Only Africans have an obvious reason to wear vertical corduroy: The swishing sound sends lions, Cape Buffalo, and other deadly beasts scattering in terror.

    Khaki Cordarounds

    By turning vertical corduroy on its side, Betabrand revolutionized the corduroy-pant industry and single-handedly revived the San Francisco manufacturing sector. Now we want to help inspire the rest of America.

    For the next 24 hours, Betabrand will give you a $40 discount when you buy any two pairs of Cordarounds, including our new Auburn and Khaki trousers. (Discount will be applied automatically at checkout.) Sure, you could spend that extra money on frozen pizza or lip balm, but just think: You also could use your incredible savings to help jump-start the U.S. economy! Start a petrochemical company in your garage. Build a world-class coal mine in your backyard. Or get together with friends to launch America's next great railroad conglomerate.

    However you decide to be a shining example of American ingenuity and entrepreneurship, remember that the Cordrounds sale ends tomorrow.

    Auburn Cordarounds

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    And This Week's Disco Photo Champion is …

    Congratulations to Model Citizen Noam, who won our Disco photo contest with a glimpse into the future of mining fashion. Noam will receive the next Disco Think Tank product that goes into production!

    Disco Hoodie

    All three Disco Think Tank inventions — Bowling Shirt, Baby Pants, and Vest — are now in the final stages of research and development. Sign up for an e-mail alert and we'll let you know as soon as they're ready for purchase! Just click the "Alert Me!" button on any Disco Think Tank product page.

    And keep sending in your fantastic Disco (or any other) Model Citizen photos. Click the green Model Citizen tab on the right side of any Betabrand.com page (or just click here) to become an instant Internet fashion sensation!

    Need more inspiration? Check out some of our all-time favorite Model Citizens in the mighty Model Citizen Wall of Fame. And who knows — your photo might just end up there!

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    Betabrand Puma

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    Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110

    info@betabrand.com / 800.694.9491

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Betabrand Supercomputer
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Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
Betabrand Supercomputer
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.