Meet the World Record Smoker, Boozer

The Reversible Smoking Jacket has won global acclaim for its incredible chameleon capabilities. Yet most people tend to wear it cord side out–a fashion statement that says, “I enjoy a great-looking outer garment with hip horizontal-corduroy styling, but I’m not the sort of debauched libertine who regularly wears smoking jackets.” (In fact, research performed at the Svenbjorn Institute shows that owners reverse the garment only 10 percent of the time.)

a smoking jacket picture

The same cannot be said for Quint Villepin, a man of legendary sinful excess for whom smoking and jackets have never been mutually exclusive.

Though the World Record Book no longer recognizes championship feats of smoking and drinking, we were honored to discover that Villepin, the unofficial record holder in every aspect of these disciplines–speed, quantity, volume, altitude, surrounded by Cobras–is a proud Betabrand customer.

We recently sat down with the world’s most consummate consumer of vice at his estate in the tax haven of Andorra. Our exclusive interview follows:

Betabrand: Mr. Villepin, from the odors I detect — and correct me if I’m wrong — you’re smoking cigars, high-tar cigarettes, menthols and cloves, all at once.

Villepin: You’re forgetting about the Calypso Krunk weed and-

Betabrand: Let’s stick to the legal substances you enjoy, shall we?

Villepin: Can we discuss over-the-counter drugs?

Betabrand: Yes.

Villepin: In that case, I’m also smoking Prozac and Propecia-laced blunts.

Betabrand: Fascinating. Now-

Villepin: And a half-pound of Ferguson’s Plum Snuff, rolled in the pages of my morning Diari d’Andorra.

Betabrand: Indeed! Now, about the jacket you’re wearing…

Villepin: Why yes, I received it as a Christmas gift from the Duchess. Evidently, you can reverse it to wear as a horizontal corduroy coat, but I’m not sure why. I have little need for advanced aerodynamics, as I need not move faster than at a leisurely pace. As for style, I fail to see how a satiny smoking jacket can be improved upon. Were I ever to debase myself with manual labor, it would be my “uniform,” as it were.

Betabrand: Please tell us just a bit about yourself.

Villepin: What is there to say? My mother was heiress to Liechtenstein’s second-largest cigarette company. My father was a Prussian vulcanologist. I was educated at the Sorbonne and served briefly as the Swiss ambassador to the United Federation of Malt Liqueurs. Today, I make my home in Andorra. I smoke and drink and, occasionally, enjoy a meal or two.

Betabrand: What are your plans for this evening?

Villepin: As I am a man of considerable means, I have arranged for the Zurich Aquarium to be completely drained of water and aquatic life, and refilled with 50 year-old McThistleberry single-malt Scotch whiskey. Equipped with scuba gear and several hundred waterproofed cigars, I shall enjoy a solitary evening of merriment.

Betabrand: Thank you so much for your time.

Betabrand Supercomputer
Follow Me

Betabrand Supercomputer

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
Betabrand Supercomputer
Follow Me

Latest posts by Betabrand Supercomputer (see all)

I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.