Today's newsletter keywords: Garlic Shirt, Potato Pants, double vampire protection, Fruit of the Loom massacre, septic-tank snorkeling, daredevil fashion babies.
In our haste to grow the most delectable Harvester products yet, we may have given our overzealous engineers a bit too much latitude. Turns out they tinkered extensively with shirt and pant DNA. We're pretty sure they spliced in genetic material from King Tut's mummy and several champion quarter horses. And they might have thrown in a blast or two of gamma radiation. But while the ethics of creating genetically modified clothing are certainly debatable, we think the results speak for themselves.
Garlic Harvester Shirt
This casual long-sleeve button-down is made of 100% organic cotton that’s been gently dyed to the color of raw garlic, along with subtle green and purple details. Throw in its swank silvery buttons, and you’ve got a helluva handsome shirt as well as a two-tiered defense against vampires.
Here’s some other important product information:
- Want to eat your Garlic Shirt? We recommend waiting until Betabrand comes out with Mint Socks.
- Will boost your immunity so much, you’ll be able to enjoy a carefree day of septic-tank snorkeling.
- Entitles you to be knighted by this year's Gilroy Garlic Queen.
Potato Craftsman Pants
This is our take on classic work pants. Our new tuber-inspired trousers are made of 100% lightweight organic cotton canvas, so they’re soft and super-comfy — but durable like salt-of-the-earth pants should be. They get their rich potato-skin color from a low-impact, enviro-friendly dyeing technique. And they come loaded with enough pockets to hold up to a week's worth of bacon bits, sour cream, and chives.
Here's some additional information of great import:
- Will give you the dunking ability of Mr. Webb and the partying prowess of Mr. McKenzie.
- We're exporting them to Ireland to head off future potato fashion famines.
- Soft cotton and durable stitching will get you through your next Mashed Potato marathon.
- Ensures that all eyes will always be on your pants.
Don’t bother with your local farmers market; limited-edition Garlic Shirts and Potato Pants are available only in the Betabrand Store. While you're there, check out the rest of the Harvester Collection. If that's not enough to whet your appetite, we suggesting watching this mouth-watering video:
Today Only: Free 'Harvest of Doom' T-Shirt
Order any Harvester product today and we'll throw in a free Harvester T-shirt, featuring the most fearsome gun-toting gang of fruits and veggies the world has ever seen. Why, they just massacred the Fruit of the Loom guys! Trust us, they won't stop their vengeful ways until every street overflows with the juice of vanquished foes.
Model Citizen Command Center
Congratulations to Model Citizen extraordinaire Ryan Johnson and the Johnson Wonderbaby! They showed the world that our Cornucopia Shoulder Bag is roomy enough to hold a healthy-sized infant — plus a set of steak knives and a nest of angry hornets.
Because we featured his Model Citizen submission this week, Ryan wins a new Garlic Harvester Shirt!
Want to enjoy supermodel status and get free stuff like Ryan? Just send us funny photos or videos that show you wearing, holding, or otherwise using our products. We'll pick a new prizewinner every week.
Photo submitters should use our handy-dandy Model Citizen app. Just click the green Model Citizen tab on the right side of any Betabrand.com page (or just click here) and then upload your photo. Watch as you instantly transform into a Betabrand fashion sensation!
A hearty huzzah! to this week's Model Citizen runners-up.
Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110
firstname.lastname@example.org / 800.694.9491
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