Betabrand Presents: Couch Commandos

 

In today's newsletter: We introduce fantastic new pants — ideal for zombie-slaying and other summertime activities. Plus, a brief Karate Casual FAQ.

 

Black Couch Commandos

 

It’s a fact most Americans would like to ignore: Our country is perpetually under attack by zombies, aliens, and time-traveling Nazi killbots. And were it not for an at-home army of elite U.S. super-soldiers manning our nation’s video-game consoles, the Capitol would now lie in smoldering ruins, and our loved ones would be gorging themselves on our unspooling intestines.

 

Betabrand wants to thanks these brave couch commandos for their extraordinary service to our country with a new line of signature drawstring cargo pants — truly the special forces of our popular Karate Casual collection.

 

Couch Commandos

 

Couch Commandos are made of 100% French-twill cotton, so they’re light and incredibly comfy. But make no mistake: We’ve tailored these trousers for intense virtual combat. They come equipped with six big pockets, including two oversized gusseted cargos that can accommodate several grenades or an emergency ration of Pop-Tarts. Other features include drawstring ankle cinches, clever stitching details, and a flat-felled inseam for extra sturdiness on missions to and from the microwave.

 

Black Couch Commandos

 

Olive Couch Commandos

 

While Couch Commandos are designed to meet the rigorous requirements of the U.S. Armchair Forces, we think they’re great for all leisurely summertime ops — not just mowing down fire-breathing Commie cyborgs.

 

Black Couch Commandos

 

The first batch of Couch Commandos are now available in Black-Ops Black and Olive Drab. You can find these and other drawstring creations in the Karate Casual section of the Betabrand store.

 

Olive Couch Commandos

 

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Karate Casual FAQ

 

Because Couch Commandos are part of the Karate Casual collection, we thought it would be a good idea to provide a basic refresher course.

 

–What is Karate Casual? It's the official line of trousers of non-jitsu, Betabrand's martial art of inactivity. Put on a pair of Karate Casuals, and you instantly become an 11th degree blackbelt. Click here to learn more, including a primer on Drooling Eagle and the rest of non-jitsu's 11 sacred stripes.

 

–What's the difference between non-jitsu and the slightly more well-known ninjitsu? Masters of ninjitsu can telepathically summon killer bees. Practitioners of non-jitsu can telephonically summon Domino’s Sausage Lover’s Pie. Click here to learn more.

 

–What is the Indomitable Dragon Counsel? It's the supreme judicial body for the world of martial arts — housed in a owl-shaped fortress atop Antarctica’s tallest, most invisible mountain.

 

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THE BETABRAND FACEBOOK FAN PAGE

 

See other Betabrand fans face-to-face on our Facebook fan page. This is our message board, rumor mill, lightning-deal depot, and Model Citizen HQ.

 

Betabrand / 3435 Cesar Chavez #224A / San Francisco, CA 94110

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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.