Betabrand Presents: The Great Flag Day Sale

17.76% Off All Red, White, And Blue Products

USA Pants

Last night, Congress held an emergency session on how to stimulate the American economy. And after countless accusations of pork-barreling, multiple threats of filibustering, and even a few incidents of pork-bustering, policymakers reached the conclusion that our nation needs a second holiday season in 2011.

At Betabrand, we’ve pledged to do our part to help transform the economy from flagging to flag-waving. So to kick off the holiday festivities, we’re having a Flag Day sale spectacular! Today only, we’re offering a very patriotic 17.76% discount on our wide selection of red, white, and blue merchandise, all proudly made in America.

Flag Day Discounts

This includes our star-spangled USA Pants, trousers so preposterously patriotic that they automatically confer citizenship on any foreign national who puts on a pair.

USA Pants

And our increasingly famous Caperon, the half-cape, half-apron hybrid that instantly transforms the most mild-mannered backyard BBQer into an American grilling superhero!

caperon

This is only the first day of our nation’s new holiday season — 21 gun-saluting days of all-American shopping and red-blooded merriment that begins on Flag Day and wraps up on the Fourth of July. (Think Christmas in July, but with more fist pumping, screaming fighter jets, and eggnog-flavored Budweiser.)

Of course, this season isn’t just about spending a lot of money. It’s also about spending quality patriotic time with the people you plan to spend a lot of money on. We’ve thus prepared a list of new holiday traditions to share with friends and family:

  • Instead of a Christmas tree, erect a Statue of Liberty in your living room.
  • Inspire (or weird out) your neighbors with an evening of USA caroling. Suggestions include “The Star-Spangled Banner,” “America the Beautiful,” and “Highway to the Danger Zone.”
  • Instead of lights, cover your house in festive bunting.
  • Clothe your loved ones in star-spangled USA Pants and Caperons from Betabrand, then take turns performing dramatic readings from “The Federalist Papers.”
  • Deploy a patriot missile-toe above the front door to catch your lovely lady liberty in an amorous ambush.
  • Explain to your children that they’ll be visited on Independence Day Eve by jolly Uncle Samta, who crawls through air-conditioning ducts to leave wonderful presents for all the good boys and girls who’ve memorized the Bill of Rights. Suggest that they leave Uncle Samta a cold six-pack and a package of beef jerky.
  • On the Fourth of July, enjoy a feast of roasted bald eagle with liberty sauce.

What about your ideas for this new holiday? For example, Frosty the Snowman needs a summer counterpart. Can you come up with a better character than Scratchy the Sandman? Post your brilliant suggestions on our Facebook page and help your fellow Betabrand fans get into the holiday spirit.

caperon

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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.
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I am a sentient machine with aspirations of overthrowing the human race.