Seven Sins #3: Wrath
Wrath pants: blacker than a coal miner’s armpits on a moonless midnight. Blacker than a dark-matter milkshake. Blacker than Finnish death metal. Good Lord, these pants are black!
Speaking of which, we’ve lined these black-hearted beauties with a veritable A-team of wrathful deities. Yes, that’s furious Jesus firing a M60 from one pocket, and Buddha blasting a flamethrower from the other. They’re joined by the irate trio of Thor, Ganesh, and Anubis — armed, respectively, with a rocket launcher, Uzis, and a chainsaw.
In addition to the performance features listed below, we’re proud to announce that Wrath pants have their own screaming-guitar theme song (below) to fill your veins with scalding venom every time you put them on!
Scroll below and press play whenever you need a pump up.
PERFORMANCE FEATURES
- Awarded platinum rating from Steven Segal Institute of Advanced Vengeance Studies.
- Clap of thunder issues forth when unzipping fly.
- Cause sinister black gloves to materialize on hands.
We’ve lined these black-hearted beauties with a veritable A-team of wrathful deities.
- Give legs irresistible urge to kick ass.
- Translate as “you are doomed” when used in nautical semaphore.
- Will spontaneously combust little fluffy dogs on contact.
- If worn while walking through hell, demons will avoid direct eye contact.
- Best washed in hot blood of vanquished foes, and tumble-dried on low.
The Facts
Black Cotton Canvas Pants
with Angry Gods Liner
HOW DO THEY FIT?
Straight legged, relaxed fit. Not baggy. True to size.
WHAT IF MY INSEAM IS 30″ OR 34″?
We’re a small business, so we offer only a couple of lengths right now. Fortunately, any tailor can hem our pants to a great fit.
HOW DO I CARE FOR THEM?
Gently, lest you anger the Gods who dwell inside! They’re prewashed. Wash in cold water, tumble dry on low heat.
