If climatologists, Mayan prophets, and Al Gore are all correct, a catastrophic combo of brain-broiling heat and Biblical flooding is just around the corner. So you may want to consider preparing for the worst. And why not start with your wardrobe!

In light of the coming apocalypse, we tasked our fashion engineers to develop a new type of trouser to keep legs cool no matter how scorching our CO2-choked atmosphere becomes. We also insisted that this garment have the ability to stay dry, even as oceans levels rise toward knee level.

Here's what they came up with: a revolutionary trouser design that we call "half-pants," "knee toppers," or, in scientific parlance, "shorts."