Praise science and the incredible times we live in!

Betabrand has now fabricated seersucker that goes sideways instead of up-and-down. The result: quite possibly the coolest warm-weather pants ever invented! The secret is our patented ThermoSucka cooling technology.

As any reputable professor of thermodynamics will tell you, the puckered grooves of traditional seersucker trousers can whisk radiant heat groin-ward to form an uncomfortable — often incendiary — column of superheated air. Thank goodness our fashion engineers designed horizontal seersucker fabric that deflects this invisible menace, keeping nether regions around the world safe from spontaneous crotch combustion this spring and summer. Whew!