Presenting our latest fusion of fashion and science: an ultra-comfy linen hoodie engineered with unparalleled powers of relaxation. How relaxing? Why, it can mellow the most bloodthirsty Viking in seconds — guaranteed! (We invite you to prove us wrong.)

Contrary to rumor, we didn’t retro-engineer technology found in a wrecked flying saucer from the planet Xanax. Nor did we manage to cross-breed grow a new strain of flax infused with cannabis DNA.

The simple truth is that we started with the softest, lightest linen around. Then we employed a team of master Yogic seamstresses to weave a sense of cosmic peacefulness into every hoodie, while humpback whale song and soft saxophone solos played continuously in the background.