Seven Sins Series: Greed Pants
Our new greenback-green Greed Pants come luxuriously appointed with a gilded dollar-sign button and a limo that stretches around the inner waistband. One look and we think you’ll agree: these are some pretty greedy pants.
But that’s just the start of their money-grubbing ways. To make them the greediest, most avarice-soaked trousers in the world, the Betabrand design team conducted an exhaustive series of focus groups with notable experts in the field, including white collar criminals, robber barons, high-stakes gamblers, and a rapper who had his arms and legs encrusted with precious gems. Then, sparing no expense, we fabricated Greed Pants to their exacting specifications:
$ Durable enough to wear while soaking in a doubloon-filled Jacuzzi.
$ Sewn in the Cayman Islands, for tax purposes.
$ Able to lure your socks and underwear into various pyramid schemes.
$ Will create a warming sensation in the crotch when hot investment opportunities are afoot.
$ Allowed to levy a tax on your wallet every time it enters your pocket.
Will create a warming sensation in the crotch when hot investment opportunities are afoot.
$ Will give your legs Vip access to the most exclusive clubs. (Your torso, however, will have to wait in line with everyone else.)
$ Designated by the Council of Russian Oligarchs as the official maritime flag of the solid-platinum yacht.
$ Prewashed in Leona Helmsley’s bile.
$ Preferred trouser for attendees of Baron von Geldschwein’s annual endangered-species roast.
$ Will instantly make your posterior throne-ready.
$ Engineered to give your legs extra vigor when kicking Tiny Tim in the bum. Miserable waif!