Seven Sins Series: Greed Pants
Our new greenback-green Greed Pants come luxuriously appointed with a gilded dollar-sign button and a limo that stretches around the inner waistband. One look and we think you’ll agree: these are some pretty greedy pants.
But that’s just the start of their money-grubbing ways. To make them the greediest, most avarice-soaked trousers in the world, the Betabrand design team conducted an exhaustive series of focus groups with notable experts in the field, including white collar criminals, robber barons, high-stakes gamblers, and a rapper who had his arms and legs encrusted with precious gems. Then, sparing no expense, we fabricated Greed Pants to their exacting specifications:
$ Durable enough to wear while soaking in a doubloon-filled Jacuzzi.
$ Sewn in the Cayman Islands, for tax purposes.
$ Able to lure your socks and underwear into various pyramid schemes.
$ Will create a warming sensation in the crotch when hot investment opportunities are afoot.
$ Allowed to levy a tax on your wallet every time it enters your pocket.
Will create a warming sensation in the crotch when hot investment opportunities are afoot.
$ Will give your legs VIP access to the most exclusive clubs. (Your torso, however, will have to wait in line with everyone else.)
$ Designated by the Council of Russian Oligarchs as the official maritime flag of the solid-platinum yacht.
$ Prewashed in Leona Helmsley’s bile.
$ Preferred trouser for attendees of Baron von Geldschwein’s annual endangered-species roast.
$ Will instantly make your posterior throne-ready.
$ Engineered to give your legs extra vigor when kicking Tiny Tim in the bum. Miserable waif!
The Facts
Green Cotton Twill Pants
with Greed Print Liner
HOW DO THEY FIT?
Straight legged, relaxed fit. Not baggy. True to size.
WHAT IF MY INSEAM IS 30″ OR 34″?
We’re a small business, so we can offer only a couple of lengths. Fortunately, any tailor can hem our pants to a great fit.
HOW DO I CARE FOR THEM?
If Jeeves is unavailable and you must wash them yourself, wash them inside out in cold water. Either air dry or tumble dry on low heat.
