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Graphite Grays: The Greyhounds of Our Corduroy Kennel
Betabrand, manufacturer of the world’s most aerodynamic corduroy pants, is proud to unleash the latest edition of our Graphite Gray Cordarounds — not only our fastest-selling corduroy pants, but quite possibly the fastest pants on the planet, period.
How fast? For years, legend held that they were bequeathed to humanity by the speed-addled god Hermes himself in a secret ceremony atop Mt. Olympus.
Like all Cordarounds, they’re engineered with corduroy that goes sideways instead of up-and-down, dramatically lowering trouser drag coefficient (TDC) and enabling the wearer to reach heretofore unthinkable velocities. Imagine being strapped to a giant peregrine falcon as he dives toward his prey.
A falcon that is, in turn, strapped to an SR-71 Blackbird. You get the idea.
No matter how you choose to harness the power of these comfy mid-weight cords, know that you’ll look good and feel good doing it. With their handsome gray exterior and
Will instantly transform classical guitarists into spittle-spewing, speed-metal demons.
colorful peek-a-boo pockets, we think Graphite Grays will earn you more than a few compliments. That is, if you can stand still long enough.
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A few facts about these pants:
- Familiar corduroy swooshing sound replaced by sonic booms.
- Each pair pre-washed in a proprietary blend of energy drink and cheetah urine.
- Will instantly transform classical guitarists into spittle-spewing, speed-metal demons.
- Banned from Olympic competition as a performance-enhancing pant.
- Should be laundered using the highest-octane detergent available.
- Will make wearer the Casanova of the speed-dating circuit.
- Favorite trouser of bullet-train-hopping hobos.
- If ground up and snorted, will rock your freakin’ world.
The Facts
Graphite Corduroy Pants
HOW DO THEY FIT?
Our cords fit true to size.
WHAT IF MY INSEAM IS 30" OR 34"?
We’re a small business, so we offer only a couple of lengths right now. Fortunately, any tailor can hem our pants to a great fit.
HOW DO I CARE FOR THEM?
Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. (They're prewashed.)
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VITAL STATISTICS
- Unique buttons.
- Side-flash pockets.
- Evil-eye rear pockets.
