We certify that every pair of Disco Track Shorts is made from 100% pure disconium, the rarest, shiniest substance in the known universe — traditionally used to make the world's very finest disco balls.
Don't be fooled by synthetic knockoffs made from cubic disconium. And stay clear of clothiers who insist that Disconite™ Shorts are equally lustrous. Sure, they sparkle, but they also smell like rotten octopus.
Why are these shorts so special? Because genuine disconium ore is found in only one place on Earth: an icy subterranean cavern deep beneath the most remote corner of Antarctica. While we can't divulge details of our mining operation, rest assured that the thousands of Emperor Penguins in our employ are well-fed and receive regular bathroom and cigarette breaks.
Here's some more important information:
Disco Track Shorts are available for a limited time — and only at Betabrand.com. (Disco Bikini Top sold separately.)
Disco Track Shorts
HOW DO THEY FIT?
Disco Track Shorts fit snugly, like a vintage-style running shorts.
HOW DO I CARE FOR THEM?
While disco fabric is quite durable, you should still treat your track shorts with care. Hand-wash and line dry only.