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Disco Track Shorts
$38.40 $48 (20% Off)

MADE IN S.F. Refer a Friend, Get $25
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Make, Care, & Fit

How do they fit?

Disco Track Shorts fit snugly, like a vintage-style running shorts.

How do I care for them?

While this fabric is quite durable, you should still treat your track shorts with care. Hand wash and line dry only.

Vital Statistics

  • Fabric: blinding, breathable disconium (92% poly, 8% spandex.)
  • Elastic waistband.
  • Form-fitting track-short style.
  • Black binding.
  • Designed to go with a Disco Bikini Top (sold separately.)

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Shipping Rates & Delivery Times


  • Type Cost Estimated Delivery Time
  • Standard Shipping $6.95 5-7 business days
  • 3-Day Shipping $16.95 3 business days
  • Next-Day Shipping $26.95 1 business day
  • Crowdfunded Products (ship separately from in-stock products) FREE Standard Shipping 5-7 business days


  • Type Cost Estimated Delivery Time
  • Standard Int'l Mail $25* 5-21 business days
  • Expedited Worldwide $40 and up*† 2-5 business days
  • Crowdfunded Products (ship separately from in-stock products) $25* 5-21 business days

*does not include customs/duties
†varies based on location and package weight

Local Pick Up

  • Type Cost Estimated Delivery Time
  • In-Store Pick Up 780 Valencia St. — San Francisco FREE Ready within 72 hours (in-stock products) We'll email you when your order is ready.


  • Type Cost Estimated Delivery Time
  • FREE Shipping FREE 5-21 business days (depending on location)
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Women's Shiny Silver Disco Track Shorts

Disco Track Shorts

We certify that every pair of Disco Track Shorts is made from 100% pure disconium, the rarest, shiniest substance in the known universe — traditionally used to make the world's very finest disco balls.

Don't be fooled by synthetic knockoffs made from cubic disconium. And stay clear of clothiers who insist that Disconite™ Shorts are equally lustrous. Sure, they sparkle, but they also smell like rotten octopus.

Why are these shorts so special? Because genuine disconium ore is found in only one place on Earth: an icy subterranean cavern deep beneath the most remote corner of Antarctica. While we can't divulge details of our mining operation, rest assured that the thousands of Emperor Penguins in our employ are well-fed and receive regular bathroom and cigarette breaks.

Here's some more important information:

  • Disconium is the 120th element on the periodic table. It's heavier than neon, funkier than palladium, and significantly sexier than Einsteinium.
  • When you put on Disco Track Shorts, stone-age tribesmen may worship you as their omnipotent sun-goddess. Don't disappoint them.
  • Warning! The magnetic properties of this garment increase exponentially when exposed to beach and pool parties, creating an irresistible attraction between you and nearby lips, liquor, and licentious behavior. Because two pieces of Disconium are 262.34 times better than one, check out the matching Disco Bikini Top .
disco track shorts read up

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Questions? If there's anything else you want to know about this product, please contact us.