Graphite Grays: The Greyhounds of Our Corduroy Kennel
Betabrand, manufacturer of the world’s most aerodynamic corduroy pants, is proud to unleash the latest edition of our Graphite Gray Cordarounds — not only our fastest-selling corduroy pants, but quite possibly the fastest pants on the planet, period.
How fast? For years, legend held that they were bequeathed to humanity by the speed-addled god Hermes himself in a secret ceremony atop Mt. Olympus. (Actually, they’re made in small, limited-edition batches in San Francisco.)
Like all our Cordarounds, they’re engineered with corduroy that goes sideways instead of up-and-down, dramatically lowering trouser drag coefficient (TDC) and enabling the wearer to reach heretofore unthinkable velocities. Imagine being strapped to a giant peregrine falcon as he dives toward his prey. A falcon that is, in turn,
strapped to an SR-71 Blackbird. You get the idea.
No matter how you choose to harness the power of these comfy mid-weight cords, know that you’ll look good and feel good doing it. With their
Will instantly transform classical guitarists into spittle-spewing, speed-metal demons.
handsome gray exterior and peek-a-boo pockets featuring a midnight-blue checker lining, we think Graphite Grays will earn you more than a few compliments. That is, if you can stand still long enough.
A few facts about Graphite Gray Cordarounds:
- Familiar corduroy swooshing sound replaced by sonic booms.
- Each pair prewashed in a proprietary blend of Four Loko and cheetah urine.
- Will instantly transform classical guitarists into spittle-spewing, speed-metal demons.
- Banned from Olympic competition as a performance-enhancing pant.
- Should be laundered using the highest-octane detergent available.
- Will make wearer the Casanova of the speed-dating circuit.
- Favorite trouser of bullet-train-hopping hobos.
- Greatly increases wearer’s chances of experiencing spontaneous greyhound leg-humping.
- If ground up and snorted, will rock your freakin’ world.
