The Facts
Satin and Disconium Vest
HOW DOES IT FIT?
This is a fitted vest. Ever worn a vest with a tuxedo? Exactly!
HOW IS IT SIZED?
Glad you asked. Here's a handy sizing guide:
TO CENTER BACK HEM | ||
|---|---|---|
| XS | ||
| S | ||
| M | ||
| L | ||
| XL | ||
| XXL | ||
| XXXL |
HOW DO I CARE FOR IT?
Hand-wash or wipe with a damp cloth; do not machine wash. Air dry.
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The Scientifically Validated Party Vest
We certify that every Disco Vest is made from 100% pure disconium — the rarest, shiniest substance in the known universe.
Don't be fooled by synthetic knockoffs made from cubic disconium. And stay clear of clothiers who insist that Disconite™ Vests are equally lustrous. Sure, they sparkle, but they also smell like rotten octopus.
Why is the Disco Vest so special? Because genuine disconium ore is found in only one place on Earth: an icy subterranean cavern deep beneath the most remote corner of Antarctica. While we can't divulge details of our mining operation, rest assured that the thousands of Emperor Penguins in our employ are well-fed and receive regular bathroom and cigarette breaks.
Here's some more important information:
- Disconium is the 120th element on the periodic table. It's heavier than neon, funkier than palladium, and significantly sexier than Einsteinium.
- When you wear a Disco Vest, stone-age tribesmen may worship you as their omnipotent sun-god. Don't disappoint them.
- The magnetic properties of this vest increase exponentially when it's exposed to any party environment, creating an irresistible attraction between you and nearby lips, liquor bottles, and licentious behavior.
