Behold The Legend Of Tom Timber!
There once was a lumberjack who stood 50 feet tall if he was an inch. A brawny, bearded fellow who could gobble 1,000 flapjacks for breakfast — and fell 100 mighty oaks by lunch. With his bare hands.
His name was Tom Timber, and he was known and loved from the Great North Woods of Minnesota to the sequoia-lined slopes of the Sierra Nevada. Alas, it was this gentleman giant's misfortune to work in the shadow — quite literally — of the even-more-enormous woodcutter Brawl Bunyan, a jealous brute who refused to share the logging spotlight with anyone other than his horrible, bloodthirsty blue ox. And so Tom Timber's mighty feats of forestry were lost to the ages, until now.
Today, Betabrand is proud to present a limited-edition scale replica of the legendary lumberjack's favorite flannel shirt. Now you, too, can share the legacy of America's second-most famous woodsman.
Rest assured that when you slip on this luxuriously comfortable garment, you'll feel like pine sap is coursing through your veins. Here's what else you can expect:
- Your appetite for pancakes will increase exponentially.
- You'll experience 2-3 pounds of instant beard growth.
- You'll find yourself unable to enjoy social gatherings without first snorting several lines of sawdust.
- Like Tom Timber, you'll try to use telephone poles for toothpicks and power lines as dental floss.
- Turpentine will become your favorite cologne.