Wrath Pants
$100
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The Facts
Black Cotton Canvas Pants
with Angry-Deity Liner
HOW DO THEY FIT?
Straight legged, relaxed fit. Not baggy. True to size.
WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A 32" INSEAM?
We’re a small company, so we offer only a couple of lengths right now. Fortunately, any tailor can hem our pants to a great fit.
HOW DO I CARE FOR THEM?
Gently, lest you anger the gods who dwell inside! Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. (They’re pre-washed.)
Like The Black Plague, Only Comfier
Wrath Pants: blacker than a coal miner’s armpits on a moonless midnight. Blacker than a dark-matter milkshake. Even blacker than Sauron's morning coffee. Good Lord, these pants are black!
Speaking of which, we’ve lined these black-hearted beauties with a veritable A-Team of wrathful deities. You'll find a furious Jesus firing a machine gun from one pocket, Buddha blasting a flamethrower from the other.
They’re joined by an irate trio of Thor, Ganesh, and Anubis — armed, respectively, with a rocket launcher, Uzis, and a chainsaw.
(Production costs prevent us from including a more complete pantheon of deities and holy figures at this time. Sorry, Zoroastrians.)
PRODUCT FEATURES
- Awarded platinum rating from the Bronson-Segal Institute of Advanced Vengeance Studies.
- Clap of thunder issues forth when fly is unzipped.
- Give legs irresistible urge to kick ass.
- Will spontaneously combust little fluffy dogs on contact.
- If worn while walking through hell, demons will avoid direct eye contact.
- For best performance, wash in the steaming blood of vanquished foes; tumble dry on low.
